Power

Power

What is Power?  The ability, capacity, capability, potential, faculty, competence this what power is.. Okay so why is that all the things that make up power I possess but yet when face with depression I have known.. when face with chronic pain I have none.. I know I was one a very strong woman full of life and laughter.. I was determined to be a great mother and I was on fire for Jesus so much I was preaching His word.. I worked with the youth.. I was  licensed into the ministry.. I experienced the power of God working in my life and my family.. Wow that seems like a life time ago.. I’m no stranger to depression but I have always been able to come back but not this time like I said I have good days and I have still have days that I want to walk out into the water and keep walking till it covers my head and I exist no more.. but then I think what would happen to my grand kids.. I have three precious grand boys that love their grandma unconditionally.. I don’t want to leave a legacy of suicide for them so I fight the demons away.. Getting back to power where is my ability to function on a day today bases.. Where is this power that I’m supposed to have that I can hold my grand baby without feeling like my arm is gonna give out.. Where is this power to get me out of bed when I lay there all day and just exist where is the power then.. Where was the power when I couldn’t do daily activities like bathe, brush my teeth, wash my hair.. where was the power when I didn’t wanna face another day.. where was this power when the doctors told me my pain was all in my mind.. where was the power when my grandma died and I felt like feel like apart of me died too.. where was the power when my son started getting into trouble.. why my other son came out and said I’m gay..where was this power to bring me back to God when my marriage fell apart.. Where is the power now that I need to be strong for my family, for me.. Where is the power when I need it the most..and it seems like some days my mind is in a black out!! Where is this thing called POWER??

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