Darkness..

imageI know I talk a lot about depression but I have to get out of me.. I remember being in a really dark place all I was doing was existing.. I dread waking up because my day consists of darkness and loneliness.. I wanted to just sleep forever and be at peace.. I told my mom I don’t believe if you kill yourselves, you go to hell.. So the one thing that used to scare me no longer had any power over me.. Now I wonder why?? I have thoughts on that but that’s for a later story..

 I remember crying and taking meds that didn’t seem to work .. I remember wanting to die because all I did was exist and life had no meaning to me.. I wanted to sleep as long as possible so I wouldn’t have much time to face the day..

The dream I guess I was dreaming are lost in hallucinations.. I think I was dreaming.. I remember I had done it.. I was dead but I wasn’t in hell.. I was walking on what seem to be some kind of bridge and it was foggy but not a thick fog.. I was walking higher and higher and there were other people walking with me but no one said a word..they look sad not happy and I guess I look sad too..

Sad I think we were sad for giving up on life.. what and who we left behind.. what we missed out on.. the love, the laughter, the grandkids and all of life happy moments.. we were sad because we no longer walked among the living..

Dream in the dream we were walking higher up above the trees .. walking still in silence.. why were we quiet ? Why were we sad? Why didn’t we feel joy? Why didn’t we feel relief? We had done it but yet we were still sad.. was this our fate for all eternity..

I don’t know it’s was just a DREAM!!             #bloggers                                                                  #bloggersoc

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