Blogging

imageI thought I had so much to say to the world so many feelings to get out that I would be blogging three and four times a day but I do good if I get out one good blog a week.. I thought I had all this knowledge in my head that other people might relate too..that I could encourage someone and tell them how I over came this and this and that..well I’m finding out it doesn’t work that way..

Like depression for instance it’s nothing that’s gonna go away for me .. it’s always in the back of my head..it’s the reason I have days I dread getting up..days that I do get up and function but everything is a push..I push myself through the day to move about doing housework.. I thought by now this depression would be long go and I would be on my new happy me but guess what it’s still freakin here.. Yea I thought I would be blogging how to break free from depression and live a normal life..not the case for me.. I’m still struggling to get out of bed everyday and be normal for my grand babies..

I thought by now I would be blogging about how my chronic back pain just up and left my body.. but no that is not the case.. I still suffer everyday and I have yet to find anything to relieve the pain..because my pain is on the inside, you are always justifying that you are sick .. or you can’t lift or stand very long because it hurts..but I manage to spend time with your grand babies because they give me life and take my mind off the pain.. I thought I would be blogging information on chronic pain and what I learned but all I’ve learned is how to get through a day..

I thought my blog would be full of faith and scripture and how Jesus has delivered me from all my afflictions and set me free.. How at every turn He has been right there for me..and He has..I know that I can do nothing on my own strength but He is my strength..when I wanted to give up it was Jesus who pulled me through..It was Jesus that pick me up when I thought I would never get over losing my grandma.. it was Jesus that die on the cross for sin that I can live again.. so matter what I suffer in this life .. it’s doesn’t even compare to my eternal life..

Yea I thought my blogging would be better but I see now I do have a lot to blog about.. So stay tune for more Out Crawls Angy..

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2 thoughts on “Blogging

  1. Hi blogger, people suffer from depression because of something that happened in their life or maybe it’s ingrown. People can inherit depression but everyone going through it all are at different levels of healing. Your level of healing is very encouraging to people that can’t pick up a pen and write about it. It’s good you’re giving all thanks to God. I had a dark cloud hanging over me until the age of 29 that’s when God delivered me from depression. I was so pathetic and ashamed of the way my lifestyle was going I was ashamed before God to call on God and yet he came to my rescue. I know it was my mother’s prayers and my father’s prayers that saved me. My mom was saying: “I’m living off of somebody else’s prayers and don’t know it” my father used to say: “Prayer is not a old person’s thing you need to start praying for yourself” I wasn’t listening to either of them I was sinking deeper into depression and didn’t know how to come out. I lost my job of 10 years. I had a nervous breakdown my boyfriend tried to kill me twice. I was so in love with him and that hurt me really bad no because I had to face he was sicker than me. I couldn’t run to him anymore. It got to the point I had to save myself. It’s a long pathetic story but I remember I used to go to my favorite Chinese restaurant and pig out with food and Long Island Iced Tea. Go in the bathroom and throw up. Then I would go to my favorite Mexican restaurant and pig out on food and the biggest margarita with double shots back to back. Go home and throw up smoke weed and start eating all over again. I wasn’t even fat because I was young and my body was burning it off plus I was throwing up everything. I was looking for love and love kept blowing up in my face because I needed to get help and get well before any man can take the mess I was doing. I was partying every night. And I knew the behavior that I was acting out wasn’t me. I was acting out of pain. You’re doing fine your poems and your stories, you really pour out your heart and your readers can feel that. A lot of people can’t pour their heart out. They can’t express their feelings so they sit up and go deeper into depression and kill themselves. Not you you’re blogging your heart out. :•)

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