Sista Gurl,I’m back.. I Learned..

imageI think that today was good day.. I am learning to enjoy the moment that God gives me.. I am learning that you can love someone without being in love with them and it’s okay.. I’m learning that I am addicted to Pepsi again for the 100th time.. Let’s talk about that for a minute.. I love Pepsi it calms my nerves down.. it’s my glass of wine, my go too drink for energy and my night cap.. okay enough about that.. I hate feeling like anything has mastered with that being said it’s time to let it go again.. I think about what I just said but it was Paul who said it best “Everything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”-but I will not be MASTERED by anything.(1Corinthians 6:12) This is one of my favorite scriptures.. it speaks volumes to my spirit and heart.. I try hard to live by     it but life got me down real hard three years ago with chronic pain and depression.. The pain I can somewhat accept somewhat but with chronic depression it shows up unwelcome .. I have to remind myself that depression is not who I am and there are days when it’s hard as hell.. excuse the language but I hate it.. I hate taking the happy pills (not).. I hate taking pills to sleep.. I hate the freakin dark days..I I’m on a rant again that I have lost my train of thought.. but anyway.. I have learned that my grand babies don’t know I’m suffering and never will.. when I’m with them I make myself smile in the midst of pain, of depression.. I’m not gonna let them see a frown on my face only love.. I learned from my grandma that all I have to do is to make them feel safe.. I learned that all my grandma had to say to me is “baby it’s gonna be okay”.. I learned that when I lost my grandma my life had to go on.. I have learned a lot and yet I still have a lot to learn..

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