The Grab, Sista

imageI know I can’t kill him but there is apart of me that wants too.. apart of me that hates him as much as I love him.. apart that hates most of all what I have become.. he has started jerking my hair and grabbing my arms.. he pulled my hair so hard my my neck and the back of my head still hurts.. Sista gurl what am I to do is this the beginning of physical abuse.. I saw my momma go through a lot but one thing I never saw was a man put his hands on her.. and get away with it.. I remember when we were young and my step daddy would get drunk.. and the fighting would start.. until one day enough was enough and she put him out.. divorce him and raised her five kids on her own.. and I am my mothers daughter but damn what has happened to me..

Sista gurl, I hate him yet I can’t let go.. what the freak is wrong with me.. I know this not my life not the life I plan.. by my fifty birthday I was supposed to retire early with my husband.. and walk around the house naked.. until we had company.. but now Sista look at my life.. a husband who I left because I thought I missed out on my youth and I did.. but I learned the hard way you can never go back.. I should still be able to enjoy life but if it’s not physical pain, then it’s mental.. even on days that start out good like today.. always end up being just another bad dream.. I long to wake up from this nightmare.. I call my life..

I looked him dead in his face and said we are DONE.. he started to talk but I stopped him by saying there is nothing left to discuss.. because I knew if I let him talk.. the next time he would not just pull my hair are grab my arm while I’m driving.. but it would be not only my mom and step dad but me and my husband.. see I’m a custom to the fighting , abuse and everything that comes with it..

All I can do is pray for every batter woman and man out there.. and remember to take it one second at a time..

original me

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8 thoughts on “The Grab, Sista

  1. Hi blogger, I get it, I’ve been there. After escaping with my life from one boyfriend that constantly tried to kill me. I went with an older man that I whined up planning how I was going to kill him. To find out that the hatred I was feeling and carrying around in my heart and soul for this man was destroying me. I wasn’t going to get better with that hatred in my heart. I had to seek help no psychiatrist could heal what I was feeling. The pain was so bad no one but God could help me. :•)

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    1. Hey Blogger, I realize if I don’t leave him alone.. he will hurt me seriously.. he has choked me more than once.. but know that key word I’m sorry.. I don’t wanna go back .. I have to be strong for me .. but it’s hard at times..all I can do is pray like you said and believe God will heal me completely..

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      1. I know it’s hard, I was so ashamed of myself for keep going back when he was kidnapping me and putting guns to my head. I still wanted him so bad. I hated him at the same time. You really need to read unfolding souls I think you will see yourself in it and it may help you walk away for good.

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      2. No there is a unfolding soul on Amazon by me Oman McCullough Fuqua but I change publishers and they won’t let me use the cover anymore even though it’s my art on the cover so there is a new edition of unfolding Souls coming out maybe this month are for sure December I’ll keep you posted. Don’t buy the one on Amazon because the old publisher will get the money and they’re not supposed to prophet off of my work anymore Amazon does it supposed to be still selling it but they have used copies they’re trying to get rid of.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. No the one on Amazon is not for sale anymore I had to change publishers and they wouldn’t let me use the cover even though it was my art they designed the front cover so I have a new edition of unfolding souls coming out maybe later this month maybe December I’ll keep you posted.

    Liked by 1 person

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