I finally realized that he can never give me.. what he has never been shown.. I realize that he can only give me .. what he has been taught to give..
I look into eyes for him to show me love.. I will not find it.. I will not feel it in his touch or the way he makes love to my body.. for he doesn’t know how to hold me.. how to caress my body.. or just lay my head on his shoulder.. he is incapable of giving me the love I desire that my body craves.. our love making will never be gentle and passionate.. no finding each other bodies in the dark.. after a day of feeling beat downs by cares of life.. no holding each other tight or our hands exploring each body.. no sense of oneness as we bring each other to ecstasy..
I realize he is incapable of loving me.. the way I desire to be loved.. he may say it’s a life of the street.. or that he never saw love.. he may even say this is me.. accept me as I am..
But in my heart of heart .. I know in order to truly love some ones body.. you must first love yourself.. I know that love is not an experience of aggression every time.. and I know that both partners are supposed to enjoy it.. I know making love is different from sex.. but I don’t think he ever learned the difference.. or could it just be that he never loved Me..