Looking Back

 

imageI have been thinking how to make these last Fifty years my best.. I can’t believe that Friday May 12, I will be fifty..

I know that is only by Jehovah God grace that I am still here.. I know it is only by His grace that I am in my right mind.. even when I wanted to die by the mercy’s of Christ He would not let me..

I look back at the last four years of my life.. and I know that it is only God that has held my hand when I was at my weakest.. when I didn’t know my right from my left.. when I couldn’t even get out of bed because of the pain and depression.. even when I was mad at Jehovah God He stayed right here with me.. when I demanded to know why me Jehovah it was in the quietness of the night that He would say,” be still and know I am God”.. “I will never leave you are forsake you Ann..

Even when I allowed what I thought was a blessing from God to come into my life.. but I soon learned that God will never live among sin.. and instead of this person being a blessing he was nothing more than a curse.. He came at my weakest moment and I allowed him to destroy what little bit strength I had left mentally.. He came and he took and he used me until there was nothing left.. and he left a already broken me,broken into pieces.. but the sad part is I allowed him to use me some more until there was nothing left but a shell of a person that I didn’t recognize.. I had let this man who had absolutely nothing to come into my home and finish destroying me..

It was until three nights ago that I took a good look at me.. and I open my eyes up to the person he really is and I had to accept the fact that this man blames me for every problem he has had since he has been here, he mentally and physically abused me and truly never had any kind of feelings of affection for me, he validated me in the worse possible way.. He came here to better his life by destroying my life..

Jehovah has give me the strength to open my eyes up.. and to realize I can’t allow another person brokenness to destroy me.. for a long time I made excuses to myself that it was this mans upbringing and I felt sorry that he had a bad life, nobody ever showed him love but what is his excuse now.. we need to stop making excuses for these sorry ass men and women who mean us no good from day one.. I don’t hate him because if I do then I still give him space in my mind and heart.. I pity him because he lost the best woman that he could have ever had.. that’s right baby I am that one.. I just pray that the way he treated me will be returned to him  in tens.. “for we reap what we sow”.. I showed him nothing but love and in return he showed and give me nothing..

So the next fifty years I expected nothing but greatness.. Do I still suffer from chronic pain and depression, yes.. and I probably always will but Jehovah God said your” latter will be greater” He also said “He would take from the wicked and give to the righteous”.. So I am expecting great things for Ann.. 

Remember that you are somebody.. and Jehovah has given us all a vision to live out.. and it’s yours and mine responsibility to love God first allow Him to unleash the love we should have for ourselves.. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, handsome, giving, caring, you are lovable and that you give love.. You are everything that God has called you to be.. 

In closing remember NOBODY CAN RENT SPACE IN YOUR HEAD WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION.. THE KEY TO LETTING GO IS TO STOP LOOKING BACK.. NO ONE SHOULD BE IN YOUR THOUGHTS MORE THAN JEHOVAH GOD.. FINIALLY NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU BETTER THAN THE FATHER, SON AND HOLY GHOST..

The Original Me Ann..

 

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