Today I wanted to scream.. but nothing would come out.. Today I wanted everything that bad to just go away.. I wanted the darkness to swallow me up.. I wanted to let go just for a moment to let all the pain just have its way.. I’m struggled today harder than I have in long time.. I wanted my peace that Jesus promised me yet it was not to found.. I told God at church Wednesday that I trusted Him and I do.. but today I felt like I failed him in a thousand and one ways.. Yeah today I wanted to darkness to swallow me up if just for a moment just minute to feel sorry for me.. but God refused to let it instead I began to call out the name of Jesus and I watch the devil flee.. 

I’m sure tomorrow will a better day..

The Original Me Ann

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Over Sleep 

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Don’t over sleep I’ll make you regret that did.. I make you body groan and your head hurt.. I’ll give you dreams and nightmares that are out of this world.. I will make your body ache worse than the tooth ache all because you tried to sleep in..

Why did you do this to us.. you know that you have to feed me on time.. You know that your an addict like a lot of us you didn’t choose to be but the more the pain came with no warning, no answer as to how this happened to us.. 

They said they ( doctors) would fix me but once they couldn’t get rid of the pain.. I was give the drugs to help me cope.. and yes I need the drugs.. see I’m a addict to my pain by body craves the meds are my body cries tears from all over it screams out please get up.. Please help I need the med I need my fix.. I know it doesn’t help but it takes the edge off it keeps the demons at bay.. 

Please Ann don’t sleep in.. We know the days that nobody knows about where the pain is so unbearable that you just wanna be free but you fight on.. We know that you have days that you don’t wanna take your meds.. we know how hard you fight Ann.. And we tell you how proud we are for taking your meds.. We know the days that you don’t have appetite, the days depression is so real you become lost it.. And we say Ann we are so proud of you for taking care of our body.. We can only exist through you Ann and you take care of us the best you can..

But please Ann don’t sleep in..

The Original Me Ann

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imageLife what is it really all about.. the ones you love don’t really love you.. you fight to stay in a world that could careless about you so what’s the use.. you beg and you pray for better days only to realize there are none.. you look for someone anyone to look beyond you and see your pain.. but because you have no scares or bandages.. how anything possible be wrong with you.. you pray and believe with all your heart that God will heal you but instead of getting better you get worse.. you have faith like the woman with the issue of blood.. and the man who cried out Son of David have mercy on me.. and you know that everyone don’t receive their healing on this side.. so you pray for more strength to excepted what you can not change..

So you look for something or someone to hold on for.. you think would it not be so much easier to be at peace at rest In the arms of Jesus.. cause at the end of the day no one really cares.. of course they will mourn and cry for a few days.. but soon there life will go on and thoughts of you will vanish like ashes in the wind..

So you resolve to stay and fight for no one but you.. you hold on to the promises of God and you remind Him that He is not a man that He should lie.. and you realize that in order to have His peace you must shut things of the world out.. you resolve to believe God that when Jesus died on the cross you were made whole and complete.. and you live for NO ONE but Jesus..

The Original Me Ann

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imageThe craving want stop.. no matter how hard I try.. it’s a constant begging from my body to make the pain go away.. what do I say no you can’t have it, not today.. when the pain is so bad that it wakes me up.. craving something to make it go away..

When will the craving stop.. when will I be whole again.. I don’t know all I know is for now the craving is killing me..

The Original Me Ann

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