I Watch

cryingThe fight is hard enough without adding more to it.. I once looked at you with loving eyes.. I remember telling you that my life didn’t start until you got home from work.. even though everyday I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression.. I still try to be a woman to you.. I gave you my love because I needed you to give me hope to hang on.. I watched as over time you grow cold to me.. the one who gave you a better life.. I watched how you used my depression against me and I couldn’t fight back.. I watch as the days went and you came home and would not open your mouth to say a word to me.. I watch you lay in the bed yet refusing to lay beside me.. I watched as the tears rolled down my face because I couldn’t understand what I had done so wrong.. to make you treat me this way.. I watched as you stayed out all night and I packed your bags and put you out.. my heart had finally had enough.. and then I watched as the darkness crept in all I could do was think about you.. how it was all I could do to function, to live without you.. I watched how my bed became my life not wanting to leave it.. I watched as you refused my calls.. until you needed me.. I watched my life become lost of who I was.. and I watch as now you come back into my life on your terms.. and I watch as I accept it.. powerless to say no.. to tell you that you had your chance to be apart of my life and instead of building me up.. you tried to destroyed me I before you left me.. and yet I still allow you use me as I watch.. but there is something inside me that want let me just watch.. something inside me wants me to break free.. to tell you as I watched you walk out on me.. it’s your time to watch me as I walk out on you.. we are never as powerless as we feel.. I know I can do this .. I just have to believe as I watch me walk out.. 

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I am Her, She is Me

imageI think about her often strong, opinionated, and full of attitude.. I think about as she got pulled over.. She is like I would have been.. What the freak?? I feel my attitude would have been.. I feel my attitude would been.. What’s the problem officer?? You say failure to signal..well give me my ticket and let me be on my way..Don’t get me wrong I respect the police as I’m sure she did..but I don’t have any respect for racism of any form..So yea I would have gotten an attitude and probably a little pissed..I’m riding in my car on my way to my dream job..now I’m being pulled over instead of given a ticket ask to step out the car for what reason and then furthermore I’m being taken to jail..this can’t be real, this is not happening to me..Instead I will be held in jail when I should have been released on my recognizance..How can this be happening to me..I am strong black woman, with an education on my way to my dream job, my life was going great this must be a bad dream..So tell me how someone like me could all of a sudden decide I’ve had enough and committ sucide..It just doesn’t add up to me..

Yes I am Sandra Bland..A life taken too soon..My heart breaks for her, for her family, for what she probably went through before she took her last breath was taken from her..My heart breaks for all the black men and women who life has been cut short for no reason at all except being black.. I am Her, She is Me we both share the same skin..When will it stop?? I don’t know all I know is I fear for myself, my children, my grandchildren, for black men and women every where.. I am Her, She is Me for she can no longer speak for herself..So we must never forget to say her name, their names..l am Her, She is Me.. I am SANDRA BLAND..

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Don’t Shoot

imageHands up, Hands up                                               Down on the ground                                               I’m complying                                                       Don’t Shoot                                                             Hands up                                                                 I can’t breathe                                                       I’m not resisting officer                                     Don’t Shoot                                                             Hands up, Hands up                                               Stop resisting, I’m not                                          I’m scared I’m only a kid                                   I’m running I’m shoot in the back                 HANDS UP, DON’T SHOOT ME!!

Beat Me..

I’m not gonna beat you with my fisted where bruises only last a few days. I’m going to beat you with my words that linger in your heart and mind for ever. I’m gonna call you bitches and hoes. I’m gonna call you fat and sloppy. I’m gonna tell you your body is ugly and nobody wants you but me and most of the time I don’t want too. I’m gonna make you not want to look in the mirror and when you do searching for what’s wrong with you. I’m gonna make you cry and I’m going to make you want to die. I’m not gonna show you love because you don’t deserve it. I’m gonna beat you every day with my words until I break. Once I break you I’m going to come and go as I please and I dare you to tell me that you’re not pleased. I don’t care about the tears in your eyes are is a stream down your face see you’re nothing to me but a bitch they can be replaced. So I won’t beat you with my fist I’ll just beat your mind and your heart until you have no self esteem left and I control your every thought.. And you will pray that I beat you with my fist..