Can I whisper it in your ear.. Can I tell you how I feel.. is it oaky if I come close to you.. Can I whisper it in ear the thoughts I have about us.. Is it okay if I come close you.. Can I place my hand there, no there.. There where the soul of your emotions begins.. Can I whisper it in your ear.. the raw and real truth of two souls coming together..
Just let me whisper it in your ear..
The Original Me Ann
Picture- Pinterest “My Black Art”
Take my hand and let’s dance.. let my body shiver and quiver at the touch of your hands.. let my body long for your embrace.. let taste what true love feels like as our minds intertwine as our bodies become one.. as our hands interlock and my body sum comes to your touch, your fill willing me to give you my whole being.. and my being excepting everything you are giving her as if I have waited my whole life to be loved from head to toe.. my being needing to kiss you, to taste the saltiness of your sweat.. meeting you with every move you make begging for more.. as we collapse in the moment.. I’m not afraid to let you take my hand..
The Original Me Ann..
I finally realized that he can never give me.. what he has never been shown.. I realize that he can only give me .. what he has been taught to give..
I look into eyes for him to show me love.. I will not find it.. I will not feel it in his touch or the way he makes love to my body.. for he doesn’t know how to hold me.. how to caress my body.. or just lay my head on his shoulder.. he is incapable of giving me the love I desire that my body craves.. our love making will never be gentle and passionate.. no finding each other bodies in the dark.. after a day of feeling beat downs by cares of life.. no holding each other tight or our hands exploring each body.. no sense of oneness as we bring each other to ecstasy..
I realize he is incapable of loving me.. the way I desire to be loved.. he may say it’s a life of the street.. or that he never saw love.. he may even say this is me.. accept me as I am..
But in my heart of heart .. I know in order to truly love some ones body.. you must first love yourself.. I know that love is not an experience of aggression every time.. and I know that both partners are supposed to enjoy it.. I know making love is different from sex.. but I don’t think he ever learned the difference.. or could it just be that he never loved Me..
Can this be real..how can my king be gone just ripped out of my life..I leave the hospital a day later with just minor bruises..but I feel like I am dreaming but it’s a nightmare..I have to leave with out my king..my lover..my friend..He is no longer with me..Can this be real..
My mom and dad drive me to the house.. no longer my dream house because my king is gone..I think why didn’t I cook he would still be here..but no I insisted that we go out..oh my God what have done to my king.. I managed to make it upstairs to our bed..all I can do is cry..I take his shirt out the closet and I lay on the bed with it close to me smelling his scent..I can’t focus I just want my king back alive..My mom knocks on the door and comes in.. she sat beside me and say baby we got to start making arrangements..all I can do is cry..I can’t bury my king because then it will be real..and I will know he’s not coming back..She said the funeral director is done stair..I gather myself together and we go down stairs..I hear him talking but I can hear him..I say mom I can’t do this.. I can’t bury my king..why did I this happen to us ..Can this be real..I hear my parents and his parents talking but it sound like gibberish..they’re making arrangements to bury my king..I look at my mom and I say how could God let this happen to us.. we are saved, we belong to Him so why did he take my king from me.. I can’t live without him..Oh God please give him back to me..I pass out because when I awake I am in bed with his mother beside me.. She like hear baby you gotta eat but I just look at the food and tell her.. I can’t.. I just want to sleep..
I feel my life has end..as the limo approaches the house..and people began to go to there cars..My parents ride with me in limo..as we approach the church I wanna scream I can’t do this..they lead us in my mom on one side of me and my dad the other side.. I see my King laying there and I’m frozen..thinking how we met at church and became friends..how our relationship grow and how for two long years we waited for each other..the walks we would take, hiking , picnics, dinners and dancing..quiet evening at home..now I’m standing here kissing my King for the last time..Can this be real..My King is really gonna after the funeral, and all the people say there I’m sorry and good bye.. l am exhausted..my mom insisted on saying a couple of weeks with me.. I’m to drained to fight her so I say okay..
Can this be real
I undress and slip into his pajama shirt..I slide under the covers and I cry .. I ask God why .. I ask God to give me strength to make it .. I ask God how can I go on without the love of my King..I said God we stood before You and declared our love and then three years later you take him from me..God what about all the dreams we had of a family, of all the things we were going to do and places to see..God why did you take my King..why not take us together.. exhausted I cry out God forgive me..I know Father that You’re thoughts are higher than mine..I know you are a God of love but my heart is breaking without my King.. Can this be real..I wake up looking around my King is saying baby wake up..please wake up.. I open my eyes and I see my King and I look around at the room and all the machines..and my King said I never gave up hope that God would give you back to me..I said but my King said don’t talk baby just rest..CAN THIS BE REAL..My King and I..
Can this be real.. as we return to Atlanta back to reality of the heat and traffic.. we drive up to the house.. our dream house too us anyway.. four bedroom, three bathrooms, upstairs laundry and a powder room ,formal dining room, my dream kitchen with stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, living room, family room and of course his man cave in the basement with, in law suite and three car garage in Marietta Ga.. I guess I should introduce us.. I am a psychiatrist and my king is a architect..we have a five year plan to before we start a family.. and I can cut my hours back at my office too part time..
I think often about having our little family.. a son just like my king dark as night, board chest with long legs and muscular arms and back strong yet so caring not only to me but those around us and hands that are so loving and gentle.. and a daughter to be his little princess..I love my king from the top of his head to the sole of his feet.. I love his Mandingo and how it makes me feel.. I love that nights I feel so safe in his arms and how he wakes me up in the morning deep inside me..as my body clings to his and I’m calling his name in his ear as he moves his mouth to my nipple as I continue to meet his thrust as I feel myself losing it.. I’m gone and he’s right there with me.. I think to myself I could stay like this forever..I love our Saturday morning when we’re not rushing out the door..just laying next to each other as one..I tell my king I have to get up and shower and of course he said I’ll join you.. I love the rainfall shower head as well as the shower seat..what start out as a shower before breakfast in up being another session of steamy love making after we finial manage to keep our hands off each other and shower..as we dry off and brush our teeth.. as I look in the mirror at what I call my imperfections on my face.. I reach for my make up but my king stops me and say I told you beauty should never be covered up my queen..that’s why I love him so deeply because he sees into my soul..we dress and go downstairs to cook breakfast but I’m not in the mood to cook..so my king and I decide to go out to eat..we are driving and talking about taking in a movie later.. I don’t know what happened but out of no where comes a truck.. we’re hit on my king side .. the mercedes spins around and hits a pole..we are rushed to the hospital..I wake up in pain I have a gash in my head and I’m hooked up to IVs my parents are here and so is my king parents and brother..so I’m thinking I got the worse of the accident but where is my king.. can this be real..I search the room looking for my king..I try to speak but nothing comes out.. I try again my mom holds my hand..I say where is my king .. where is my king.. how bad is he.. I look at my mom, at his parents please just tell me how bad is my king..and I here just rest for now baby..I need to know about my king, my love..please momma I say and they all come close and his mother takes my hand also but his father speaks.. he didn’t make it..I hear it but its muffled, it can’t be true not my king.. I look at my mom in her eyes searching them and I hear say baby I’m so sorry but I can’t focus.. can this be real..
We stood before God and our friends and we promised to love each other forever.. I felt like Rachel finally being presented to her Boaz.. Its was the happiest day of our lives..just a simple wedding with a few friends and minster.. reception was simple yet elegant.. We were both glad when it end..We had saved to go the Bahamas.. when we arrived it was breathtaking the bluest water I’d ever seen..We checked into our room everything was beautiful the bed , the ocean breeze, and the bathroom a tub built for two ..
I remember eating dinner..dancing and drinking wine just the two of us alone at last.. I remember we showered together and kissing his lips..I remember rubbing soap on his hairy chest.. I remember how chocolate he look too me..dark as night with shiney white teeth..with a strong hard body..no he wasn’t built like the Rock but his body was strong from work and living..after we dry off, he pulls me close to examine my body at first I resist because I feel shame I’m not a size ten more like a fourteen..He looks me in my eyes and say no shame baby I chose you to be my queen..every mark on you is a beauty mark for me to kiss and to love..I have never felt love like this before complete and whole.. He loves my flaws as I love his and he makes me feel beautiful.. He leads to the bed our faces face each other and we begin to kiss his tongue finds mine and it feels so good, I take my hand and I trace his lips, his nose, I run my hands over his chest, over his nipples, my hands explore his body and we kiss again..this time he explores my body every touch of his hand excites me..I am ready for my best friend, my lover, my husband forever my king to take so we can become one..I think about how we decide to wait the whole time we were dating even though we weren’t virgins..so for two years we took a lot cold showers..we just wanted our marriage to be centered all around God.. so we pray together for strength, for our marriage, that God would show us areas we needed to work on before we said I do..Don’t get me wrong I am a firm believer that God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife and did we enjoy it..but beyond that I think of him holding me tight and laying my head on his chest, feeling his nakedness and being driven by desire for just one man, feeling him in me as our finger intertwine as everything thing about us become one as we both exhale with madness..We lay their catching our breath exhausted from lovemaking..we take a hot shower, dress and retreat to our private beach.. relaxing in the sun and I look at my husband, my King and my heart is filled with so much love.. I like I have loved him forever..as he makes plans for our future.. all I can do is smile and agree..just the touch of his hand send chills down my body.. as we walk along the beach I didn’t think it was possible to give myself completely to someone without fear..as we spread our blanket and I lay my head on his chest.. I think can this be real..I am completely lost by his touch, his lips , mouth, his hands all over my body .. I want nothing more than him inside me, burying himself deep inside me until I can take no more as we both go over the edge that only we can take each other too..Can this be real..