Believe

So how do I began this story. I will start here at the heart of things. I have always loved my breast . I mean it’s part of what makes up the woman’s body. It’s what we wait for as teenagers to say hey my body developing into womanhood. I for one have always loved mine . I had very big breast that was hard on my neck and shoulders then I had a reduction.. and I still loved them small.. it took some adjusting for my family to get use too.. but now the thought of not having any at all scares me.. of course I know I’m not my breast.. and it’s the only way that I will feel at ease with this LCIS is to Illuminates the problem and give myself a better chance of not developing breast cancer.. yes there are other options but I just don’t feel like I could take the waiting ever six months or the cancer pill.. so I know I’m making the best decision for me and family..

I just wish that I could just get my life back to normal.. I keep telling myself that this is not how my story ends.. that I will experience the goodness of Jehovah in the land of the living for death and the grave can not praise Him or tell of His mercy.. so I have believe that my day is coming where I will share my testimony of His goodness.. of His favor over my life..

The Original Ann

Wow

I can’t remember the last time I posted here.. It’s been awhile since I have shared my feelings with no judgement..

Well a lot has changed.. and yet something are the same..

One I’m finally out a bad relationship.. I have let him go completely with the help of God.. I didn’t try and kill my self last year so that’s always good.. but there are days that my mind wants to give but I refuse to let it.. so yes I still suffer from chronic depression..

I still have chronic pain all over my body that has only gotten worse but I’m still able to move and walk.. I just stay very tired but I know that is apart of the sickness..

To add to the story I have LCIS which is pre-cancerous.. So that’s what’s new in my life.. I will add to this everyday my faith is stronger.. I love Jehovah so much..

Today

Today is all I have to give me.. I woke up with darkness all around me.. see that’s what depression is darkness and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.. I put on some praise worship music and then I put a slide show of my photos on.. and the memories made me smile to see how much Kohen, Kyrie and Kaysen have grown.. memories of graduation and the family cookouts.. I was reminded of how quickly everything and everyone changes in twinkling of an eye.. how the only important things in life is a solid foundation with Christ, family and a handful of true friends..

So Today isn’t about me or my depression or my chronic pain but I made it about this guy.. who without ever knowing it,is one of the reasons I was able to get up..

I know it’s hard especially when you constantly going through pain and depression when it’s every single minute of the day.. But you must find a reason to live no matter how hard it is..

The Original Me Ann