around the world – Out crawls Ann..

Today is all I have to give me.. I woke up with darkness all around me.. see that’s what depression is darkness and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.. I put on some praise worship music and then I put a slide show of my photos on.. and the memories made me smile to see how much Kohen, Kyrie and Kaysen have grown.. memories of graduation and the family cookouts.. I was reminded of how quickly everything and everyone changes in twinkling of an eye.. how the only important things in life is a solid foundation with Christ, family and a handful of true friends..

So Today isn’t about me or my depression or my chronic pain but I made it about this guy.. who without ever knowing it,is one of the reasons I was able to get up..

I know it’s hard especially when you constantly going through pain and depression when it’s every single minute of the day.. But you must find a reason to live no matter how hard it is..

The Original Me Ann

I Don’t Know

March 12, 2017March 12, 2017 annjekins12 Comments

I’m trying hard to hang in here.. feeling overwhelmed since Thursday.. I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day but I had to help with the babies.. this was the first time in along time that I just couldn’t help with them.. I just wanted to be left alone..

Then my daughter gives me the speech.. momma you’re either gonna live or die.. you have to choose which one you’re gonna do.. you got to get up and tell yourself that you’re gonna live.. you’re gonna fight for your life.. to be here for me and your grand babies.. so stop crying..

I wish she would understand how hard it sometimes for me to even breathe.. I wish she would understand that it’s all I can do some days to stay in the race.. I don’t want to seem weak to her most days I am..

The injection to burn the nerves didn’t work.. my legs and back still hurt and I still have a hard time walking and standing.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. and I really wanna find another pain doctor because I don’t feel like he has my best interest at heart.. the Percocet he prescribed is not strong enough.. I don’t even know if it works on neuropathy.. it has so far so I don’t know if stronger dosage would help..

I feel like if I don’t start walking consistently my legs are just gonna get weaker, the pain in my hips and back has not changed so the decisions to suffer with exercise or without either way I’m in pain.. at least hopefully I could get in shape and feel okay about that.. I gotta learn to live with the pain, depression and panic attacks..

Yes I believe in God and the power of Jesus healing power.. I believe that He is well ever to deliver me.. just as I believe He is well able to keep me in whatever state I’m in.. I know it’s okay to vent and express my emotions.. God Himself tells us there is a time for everything under the sun.. this my time to release my feelings.. as always be bless..

The Original Me Ann..

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