Thank You

I am very excited because of this.. I thank you for letting me get my pain out.. for finding people just like me.. even though this is something we love.. it’s not easy to bare your soul.. but thank for your support..




imageI’ve been thinking long and hard about this so I said let me get my feelings out.. I read a blog a few days ago that woke up so many emotions in me that I had buried.. I was going reblog it but I had my grandson the one and a half year old.. and you know at that age they are a handful.. so anyway I deleted the email and didn’t reblog it.. I’m learning when I’m gonna do something to do it right then..I know it came from HaRsH ReAlItY He has a really great blog about adoption and is very helpful.. Thanks Jason.. anyway I read her story and it was like what was in me.. I remember one part she had boyfriends.. and when I wrote my blog I put I had a boyfriend keyword being (a).. anyway I read a blog about copying from other bloggers.. and it bothers me because I felt she was me to a point.. I didn’t have an abusive father.. I didn’t have a father.. the one thing I wanted so badly.. and all I heard my whole life is you like just like your daddy.. well where the freak was he when I need him to show me.. how a man should treat a woman.. how a man should love and protect you.. where was the man I look just like.. sorry getting back to the reblogging..

I never want another blogger to think that I would take from their pain and use it as mine.. excuse the language but hell I have enough pain, anger, bitterness, hurt  buried down inside.. I don’t need anyone else’s..

I will say the major of the people I follow are like me broken so of course we are going to read blogs that probably bring up similar pain.. and we will blog about OUR PAIN..

So just setting the record straight.. I am a writer..I have enough of my own issues that I don’t need anyone else’s to write about.. I am not a thief therefore I DO NOT steal.. I have SEPERATION ANXIETY.. just to let you know.. so don’t leave me.. (joke) but for real don’t.. And like I said this my THERAPY.. and my chance to find ME again.. I know I am in HERE.. just buried beneath a lot of what I call demons.. and lastly I AM AN A ORIGINAL.. ORIGINAL ME!! That’s mine so don’t steal it.. I would do the laughing emoji.. but the say that emojis are forbidden in the BLOOSPHERE.. 


My Angel

imageI am one tired momma.. I have no one to really talk to about how I feel about my daughter surgery.. I mean I have my family but I’m the oldest of five.. so I’m supposed to be the strong one and I don’t want to always burden them with my problems.. so instead I will bring them to the blogosphere.. my daughter wants all my focus on her and she should.. it’s only right because she is the one having surgery.. and she is the youngest of three and the girl I always wanted.. but we had given up on having one.. but God saw fit to give my husband and I a beautiful chocolate angel from heaven.. and we spoiled her rotten and it shows.. as a good parent should we always want the best for our children.. and we hate to see them suffer.. and no matter what is going on with us.. we have to be strong and present for them..

I see it with my oldest grandson.. he is six and his two younger brothers who are one year old and six months.. so he went from having all the attention for five years to being the oldest.. and I know it’s hard for him.. sometimes without knowing it the oldest gets neglected.. they say the middle child doesn’t get enough attention but I believe it’s the oldest.. so the other day I just let him express his self and get his feelings out.. so I decided once a week we are going to talk.. so if it’s anything he needs to say or express he can.. I see him almost everyday but after our heart to heart.. I realized a lot has changed in short period of time for him..

As you can see I live for my kids.. well not just my kids but all kids.. but I was supposed to be talking about me.. but I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with the pain.. because today it’s kicking my butt.. the weather is changing here..  a cold front is moving in.. and I never thought the cold would increase my pain but it has.. but what can I do.. still no pain meds.. so I will continue to suffer in silent for the moment..

I’m gonna end by saying.. I am glad I found this place called blogosphere or blogging.. I can focus on me.. and right now this has to be my way of getting my feelings out as I can no longer afford therapy for the moment.. but anyway like the say on The Middle “whatcha gonna do”..

“as always be blessed “

Gurl, I Don’t Want Him Here

imageI don’t want him here.. yet he is here laying beside me.. I don’t want him here.. yet he is here laying beside me.. I don’t want to care about him.. and yet I do.. I don’t want him here.. yet he is here laying beside me.. I don’t want to answer his call.. but yet I do.. I don’t want him here.. and yet he is here laying beside me.. I don’t want to love him.. but yet I do.. I don’t want him here.. and yet he is here laying beside me.. I don’t want him here.. and he is here laying beside me.. I want to be strong.. and yet I feel so weak.. I don’t want him here.. and yet he is here laying beside me..