Wow

I can’t remember the last time I posted here.. It’s been awhile since I have shared my feelings with no judgement..

Well a lot has changed.. and yet something are the same..

One I’m finally out a bad relationship.. I have let him go completely with the help of God.. I didn’t try and kill my self last year so that’s always good.. but there are days that my mind wants to give but I refuse to let it.. so yes I still suffer from chronic depression..

I still have chronic pain all over my body that has only gotten worse but I’m still able to move and walk.. I just stay very tired but I know that is apart of the sickness..

To add to the story I have LCIS which is pre-cancerous.. So that’s what’s new in my life.. I will add to this everyday my faith is stronger.. I love Jehovah so much..

Time Spent

Today was a day.. where I had to make myself move.. but we all know it wasn’t me but God..

I often feel like I have no friends because my bestie works, goes to school, a mother and wife.. so her life is very busy at the moment..

My oldest son who I lean on to much.. works seven days a week.. but he is the only one who truly understands me and my condition.. sometimes I feel like I put to much on him.. but God knows he has held me together so many times.. he knows I am sick and he understands that my life has changed.. today he made time to go with me to the grocery store.. and most of all just to listen to me.. and it felt good to have someone listen to me and not judge me..

So after my son left for work.. I some how was given my Love Bugg.. it amazes me that he puts a smile on my face constantly.. it’s like all this week depression was on me.. missing my grandma really bad.. just when I think I’m okay and it’s like I still have my days where I would give everything to just have her here with me.. that’s why I strive to be the best grandma cause I had the best..

I have been feeling depressed really bad this week.. I don’t know if it’s the Percocet or just me.. I’m experiencing headaches, and if I take it to late I can’t sleep.. I really don’t think it doing a lot for the pain either .. I still can’t stand up for long.. and sitting is not to much better.. I have really been feeling sh*** these last two weeks.. so maybe I should get my pain med changed..

Life is crazy.. and I still keep telling myself this can’t be life.. this can’t be how the story ends..

original me..

Here’s you some Love too..

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Blog Update

imageHey Blogosphere.. I set a goal for the month of December to have a 💯 follower by the end of the month.. and I have met that goal today..

I am learning if you wanna be a great blogger.. it takes commitment and time.. with having all thing chronic with me.. and spending time with the grand babies.. I have been going back and forth to doctors.. trying to get some kind of relief in my back and legs..

So that has taken away from my writing as much.. but I am about to start back putting in more time.. because I find when I don’t write my emotions get all out of whack.. and I find myself sinking deeper into depression..

I say all this to say I don’t just want to be a blogger.. my goal is to be that blogger that people look for.. gives insight and wisdom into a life of depression or chronic pain.. that encourages you in the word of God.. and let you know we are all a work in progress.. yea I am gonna be that Blogger that learned all the ins and outs and passed it along to other bloggers..

I’ve been blogging going on four months.. so yea I am proud that I set small goals and I reach them.. this just my transformation journey from crawling out of a hole.. back into the light..

original me

In My Blogging Feelings

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I wasn’t gonna do a personal blog tonight as I’m not feeling well.. I have been in pain all day.. and I still had to watch the grand babies.. so I didn’t take any pain medicine.. well that’s not the reason the reason is I have none.. but that’s another blog for another day..

I wanted to talk about blogging.. and how my email is over run now by bloggers.. and I don’t mine .. well maybe a little..  my policy was to check my email, read post and do one of two things like and comment or just like it.. but I find myself reading post for bloggers who aren’t reading mine.. so the system I came up with is to go on my likes and comments.. and read those post and reply to them first.. out of 81 followers I have on a given day 7 true followers.. so I’m need to figure out how to have faithful followers like me..

Another thing I do is to follow back.. but I am finding everybody doesn’t do that either.. but I follow what interests me.. right now I feel I’m in a place of darkness with this depression and excuse my language this damn pain that I can’t get one freaking doctor to give a damn about me and my suffering.. so maybe that’s one reason I get followers but not readers.. or maybe the just wanting to grow their followers.. I don’t know..

Well at any rate.. I want to say I appreciate everyone who follows me.. but read, like, leave a comment.. sometimes I think this is a competition.. but not with me.. I have to much to release to compete.. 

If you have any thoughts I would like to hear them.. so feel free to drop by and sip some tea, coffee or pepsi..  whatever your beverage of choice is..

 

original me..