I can’t get you out of my thoughts.. especially when I’m not feeling good.. I try to think of your home remedies and use them.. beyond being sick physical I’m just feeling blah grandma..
I was teaching Drea how to make Lasagna and you just popped in my head.. how you use to love my Lasagna and then you started making your own and it was good too. Drea still mad cause I can’t make that beef and rice like you.. maybe one day I will get it right.. but it will never taste like yours..
I miss you so much Lady.. How could one woman have so many grandchildren and make them all feel special.. I don’t know how you didn’t but you did.. You were a nurse, doctor, psychologist, chef ,home maker, a wife , a mother of ten and numerous grandchildren and great grand.. and you loved us all.. I miss my best friend.. I miss the one who made it all better because you said it would be.. I love you Louise with all my heart..
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up (Ecclesiastes 3:1-3);
There is a time for everything under the sun.. a time for us to grow and learn and inhale all the beauty around us.. yes the sun will shine again on your situation.. a time to just sit and take it all in and remember that He is still in control..
I wonder how many people that are homeless that we thank are lazy.. that we walk by talking to themselves are just suffering from mental illness..
There is so much I have learn about mental illness.. so much I want to learn so I can educate others that we are sick just like anyone with a physical illness.. I don’t want anyone to be a shame of being mentally sick are ashamed to get help.. until we can talk about it at the dinner table and not be uncomfortable.. then the mentally ill will always be ashamed to get help..
Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything to hard for me (Jer.32:27).
This one of my favorite scriptures.. that reminds that everything is going to be okay.. it’s been a rough month but I’m reminded everyday of God’s goodness and mercy.. and most of all is there anything to hard for God.. even in my broken state God is still able to fix even me..
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
All we can do is trust God.. remember He is the only one that knows the end to the beginning.. When we acknowledge Him as head of our lives.. it doesn’t guarantee a perfect life for us.. in fact look for it to get worse before it gets better but also look for His hand carrying you on your most difficult days..
All this time I was hating you.. I was hating me.. I was hating you for not loving me .. but I didn’t love me either so how did I know what love was.. I was hating you for leaving me but I left me along time ago.. All this time I was hurting over you.. I was really hurting over me and the reflection of the self I saw in the mirror.. all the time I was blaming you.. I should have been blaming me.. blaming me for the control I gave to you over me..
See I finally see just as you gave nothing to me.. you took nothing from me without my permission.. it was me that willingly looked the other way as you tore what little self esteem I had apart.. It was me that allowed you to choke away everything that I was without ever touching me.. I realize that I gave you permission to destroy me day after day by allowing your words to cut deep than any mark I could ever put on myself.. my words built you up and yours made me question the very essence of my womanhood..
I learned no matter how I wanna hate you.. and I do.. I no longer blame you.. the blame lies at my feet.. see hating you releases me from examining me.. it releases me from finding me.. only when I examine myself can I find self love and healing for my soul.. FOR THEY DO NOTHING WITH OUT OUR PERMISSION..
No matter what’s going.. are what will face know this God is in control.. my personal belief is yes we are going to see hard times.. because I can not get past “make America great again”.. so I pray that God peace surrounds us.. that we ever watchful for not just ourselves but our neighbors.. remember if it can happen to one minority it can happen to all of us ..
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit of mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him (Psalm 40:1-3).
Let us carry the word of God in our hearts.. reaching out to people where ever we go to spread the gospel.. I thought about the look I had on my face at Walmart.. how it was not inviting or welcoming to anyone even though it was feel with psychical pain.. it mad me think who would wanna follow a Jesus who look like that.. always remember we might be the last Jesus someone sees..