imageI guess I have been a ghost today.. trying to finish up Christmas shopping.. my oldest son and I went because he pays attention to my facial expressions.. and knows how painful it is for me for walking and standing.. I am so grateful for that young man.. he always manages to make me laugh at myself..

Life is so strange.. the very person you want to hate.. you find yourself thinking of them.. and you find yourself having feelings that you don’t want to have.. but all you can do is realize.. nothing happens in a day or even a week for that matter.. it’s like grieving over someone you lost.. that you invested so much time to.. only to hear all you are to me is my friend.. and on a goodnight you can be my Bitch.. to hear I would never abuse anyone like that.. not anyone but especially not you.. it was all a big misunderstanding.. and I’m sorry..

Yes life is strange but what I am I gonna do.. I refuse to lay down and give up on true love coming to me.. yeah I’ll patiently wait to be unwrapped because I am the Gift..

original me..

Less Than.. Morning Sip..

imageYour beauty shines in the day.. like the sunshine above.. just as well as it does at night.. like the moon set upon.. 

Don’t allow yourself to be nobody’s second best.. let him or her make you feel that all you’re good for is second place..

In other words don’t let nobody make you feel like there’s something wrong with you.. that your only use is when they have no one else.. Don’t think by allowing them to treat you less than.. You ask less than what .. less than the person God created you to be.. less than a person with feelings.. less than having your needs met.. but always meeting theirs.. less than being treated like the man and woman that God created you to be.. less than being shown respect for your body as well as your mind..

Too many of us settle for a less than life.. we allow another human beings.. with the same weakness as us .. subject to the same pain and shortcomings as we are.. make us feel less than..

If you don’t know if you’re less than.. let me share with you how to know..

  1. Does he/ she only call when they need something..
  2. Are you made to feel special..
  3. Do you see them only at night..
  4. Are you satisfied doing sex..
  5. Do they go weeks at a time without calling/ texting you..
  6. Do they say we are just friends but act like you their possession..
  7. Do they show any concern about you..
  8. Are you welcome at their place anytime..
  9. Do they show you respect..
  10. Do they take you out to dinner/ movie..
  11. Do they express any kind of love for you..
  12. Do you always do the giving but never receive anything back..
  13. Do they take your self esteem..
  14. Do they make you feel insecure..
  15. Do they let you know that they are looking for someone else.. that you are not who they desire to be in a relationship with..
  16. Do they let you know you are just a stress reliever.. ( a booty call)

I could go on and on with my list.. but what I’m trying to say is this.. nobody has the right to make you feel less than.. less than a man.. less than a woman.. you have the power as to how you allow anyone to treat you.. 

So everyday you must tell yourself.. I will not allow him/her to make me feel less than..Less than I know that I am.. key word you gotta know who you are.. in order to be treated the way you deserve.. you gotta know that there is nothing about you less than..

You gotta speak it.. today I am everything God created me to be.. and I never read where He created Adam less than.. but everything God created was good.. 

So you are good enough for anything.. and most definitely Anyone..

What’s in a Name

imageWhere are you.. why can’t I find you.. where have you gone.. why do you no longer answer to the name that made you strong.. why did you let it die.. don’t you know the name you was given was your strength.. was your ability to fight.. to stand and demand to be heard.. your name was your pride and joy.. it drew people to you.. and made you who are.. your name gave smiles too many.. even when the called you Angy.. you knew that Ann was there .. ready to fight for any done wrong.. many wanted you to let her go because they know what was in your name.. they’ve heard the stories and seen the battle scars.. afraid of no one near are far.. so where am I, you ask.. right here coming back from the grave .. buried beneath things that have made even me shame.. but no longer will I stay dead.. for I have come to know.. what’s in my name..

Ann is back.. so get ready .. some may say you sound crazy today.. Crazy no, I just know that I thought I buried Ann some almost four years ago.. but God has made me realize that she is still alive .. I just had to get her out the trash, dust her off and let some people go.. some will not understand this post.. but I’m know for sure too many will..

original me..

picture ~ Ann



Rain what is it about you that drains me of my energy.. what is about you that makes me content to be alone.. and at the same time snuggled up next to someone.. what is it about you Rain, that replenishes and refreshes even having the power to revive that which was dead.. what is it about you Rain, that makes people dance in it and seek cover at the same time.. what is it about you Rain that we wish to make love in.. as we seek to come out of the cold.. what is it about you Rain.. that’s makes me close my eyes and listen to your beautiful sound.. Rain I may never understand how you draw me into you.. on a hot summers day to cool me off.. Only you Rain can I love at one moment.. and hate the next.. On a day like today there is only you and I .. as I listen to you pound to the ground.. the sweet sound of Rain..



original me

Set Free


imageWhen will my broken heart mend.. when will I let go of this sin.. My body feels so unclean.. My mind is at a lost.. I know you mean me no good.. because when everything is good for you .. I’m your last thought.. But when things are down.. I’m the first one you want to be around.. When will I see there can never be Me.. As long as you are here in my life.. I will never be free to repent if I’m constantly hell bent on you on us.. A us that clearly only exist when you need it to be.. Why must I live in this sin.. Why can’t I just repent and be set free..

original me

Becoming A More Loving Person


Love is probably the most misunderstood word in the world. Part of the problem is that we use this one word to describe many things. We water down its meaning by overuse. I love my wife. I love America. I love pizza. I love my dog. I love you. I would love to have my back rubbed. We use the word love in so many different ways that it has literally lost its meaning.

Giving or receiving love is difficult when we don’t even understand what it is. Most people think love is a feeling- a sentimental knot in the stomach, a quiver in the liver, an ocean of emotion. True, love does produce feelings, but it is more than a feeling. How often we rely on our feelings and let our feelings motivate us to do all kinds of things we might not normally do.

Another misconception is that love is uncontrollable. Have you ever said, “I feel in love”- as if you had tripped. We assume that love can’t be controlled. We talk as if love is uncontrollable, but the Bible says love is controllable. Jesus commands that we love others. His words indicate that we do have control over whom we love and whom we do not love.

Love is at the core two things. First, it is a matter of choice. The Bible says, “Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity”(Col. 3:14). Notice those two little words “put on”. Love is something we choose to have. If it were a feeling, we could not command it. But we can command a choice, and love is a choice. It is controllable.

The Bible also says that love is Matter conduct. Love is something we do- an action, not a feeling. The aspostle John expressed it this way: “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18).

Love is more than words and more than feelings. The Greeks had four words to differentiate different types of love: storage, which means natural affection; eros, which means sexual attraction; philia, which means emotional affection or friendship; and agape, which means unconditional, giving, sacrificial love. When the Bible speaks of God’s love for us and the kind of love we are to have for Him and for other people, the word is always agape, signifying a commitment to act.

Rick Warren



Egypt not doing enough to tackle human trafficking: US report


Hundreds of thousands of street children are particularly at risk
Emir Nader July 28, 2015 0 Comments

Egypt faces a significant problem with human trafficking, being host to some of the worst instances of the crime in the world, according to a new US government report.

The report added that the government must do more to tackle the issue and support victims.
The US State Department’s 2015 Trafficking in Persons report on the phenomenon of trafficking and responses to it in nations worldwide, has identified areas in which the Egyptian government must do more to address the crime. It called on Egypt to do more to identify vulnerable groups and to convict traffickers.

“Egypt is a source, transit, and destination country for men, women, and children subjected to forced labour and sex trafficking,” the report notes.
While Egypt does not fully comply with the minimum standards for the elimination of trafficking, it is making “significant efforts” to do so, the report reads. Compared with the previous year, the government has failed to increase anti-trafficking efforts, and has decreased in efforts to identify and protect victims.
The report notes that President Abdel Fattah Al-Sisi has publicly acknowledged street children, estimated to number between 200,000 and 1 million, are especially vulnerable to trafficking. President Al-Sisi pledged EGP 100m to address this issue in February of this year, but the report suggests there is confusion among “relevant ministries on how this funding was to be allocated for anti-trafficking measures”.

Beyond the vulnerability of children, the report notes that individuals from the GCC, including Saudi Arabia, the UAE, and Kuwait “purchase Egyptian women and girls for ‘temporary’ or ‘summer’ marriages for the purpose of prostitution or forced labour; these arrangements are often facilitated by the victims’ parents and marriage brokers, who profit from the transaction”. This “child sex tourism” occurs mainly in Cairo, Alexandria, and Luxor.


Syrian refugees who have settled in Egypt are “increasingly” vulnerable to trafficking. Egyptian men are vulnerable to “forced labour in construction, agriculture, and low-paying service jobs in neighbouring countries”.

The government’s failure to properly address the plight of human trafficking has placed Egypt on a ‘tier 2 watch list’ of countries, where despite efforts the phenomenon remains a significant problem.

Egypt has issued a nationwide order for all district courts to gather information from the previous five years, as a way to identify and target anti-trafficking efforts. A hotline has also been set up for the public to register cases and to offer support advice.

Daily News Egypt spoke to Ambassador Naela Gabr, assistant foreign minister for international organisations and the head of the National Coordinating Committee on preventing and combating illegal migration (NCCPIM). She noted that Egypt took large steps from 2010 when a new law against trafficking was introduced.
The law prohibits all forms of trafficking, with penalties between three to 15 years imprisonment and fines, matching the level of punishment for equally severe crimes.

Ambassador Gabr holds that those who are engaged in illegal immigration through networks, smuggled and trafficked are “victims”, and the vision of the government is to provide support. However, the file on trafficking has recently been transferred to the Ministry of Justice. The Ministry of Justice spokesperson was not available for comment when contacted by Daily News Egypt.

According to the report, the government has stated that it carried out 27 potential trafficking investigations, and initiated 15 prosecutions under the law in 2014. The report, however, notes that no one was convicted last year.

A failure to also properly identify those vulnerable to trafficking means that “victims are routinely treated as criminals and punished for unlawful acts committed as a direct result of being subjected to human trafficking”.

One metric where the government needs to provide enhanced work is the support given to foreign nationals who are trafficked through Egypt, with most support given to Egyptian victims of trafficking. In one phenomenon, men and women from South and Southeast Asia and East Africa are “subjected to forced labour in domestic service, construction, cleaning, and begging”.

However, a key change has been made in Sinai, where between 2009 and 2013 it was understood that up to 30,000 victims had been trafficked. However, the 2015 report notes that military activity in the peninsula has disrupted the trade. It adds that the traffickers in these areas are understood to have relocated to the Western border with Libya.

In My Blogging Feelings


I wasn’t gonna do a personal blog tonight as I’m not feeling well.. I have been in pain all day.. and I still had to watch the grand babies.. so I didn’t take any pain medicine.. well that’s not the reason the reason is I have none.. but that’s another blog for another day..

I wanted to talk about blogging.. and how my email is over run now by bloggers.. and I don’t mine .. well maybe a little..  my policy was to check my email, read post and do one of two things like and comment or just like it.. but I find myself reading post for bloggers who aren’t reading mine.. so the system I came up with is to go on my likes and comments.. and read those post and reply to them first.. out of 81 followers I have on a given day 7 true followers.. so I’m need to figure out how to have faithful followers like me..

Another thing I do is to follow back.. but I am finding everybody doesn’t do that either.. but I follow what interests me.. right now I feel I’m in a place of darkness with this depression and excuse my language this damn pain that I can’t get one freaking doctor to give a damn about me and my suffering.. so maybe that’s one reason I get followers but not readers.. or maybe the just wanting to grow their followers.. I don’t know..

Well at any rate.. I want to say I appreciate everyone who follows me.. but read, like, leave a comment.. sometimes I think this is a competition.. but not with me.. I have to much to release to compete.. 

If you have any thoughts I would like to hear them.. so feel free to drop by and sip some tea, coffee or pepsi..  whatever your beverage of choice is..


original me..