Hello

It’s been a minute.. and so much has happened but I wanted to let the Blogosphere know that I’m still here.. they say setback sets you up for a comeback.. well I should be on top of the world soon..

Remember guys the holidays are the hardest when those dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts .. so keep watchful eyes on your family, friends, co-workers even a stranger that you may come in contact with.. as hard as it maybe for those of us to believe that someone cares us they do..

So as you go through out your day always look for ways to show yourself friendly and if you can give nothing else but a smile ,a listening ear ,as you walk away a warm hug.. and a genuine I’m praying with you.. just know it may save someone life..

I’ve been thinking about you “Say what you mean” praying all is well..

Blessings to you in Blogosphere

The Original Me Ann

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#Icantbreathe

Finding A Purpose

imageBy now if you follow me you know I have three grandson that are my reason for living outside of God.. yes I have a great support system but when I know these three are depending on me to be strong.. to smile, listen and most of all make everything thing better.. yeah that’s why I can’t give up.. this is for those who face depression on a regular basis.. you gotta find a reason to fight.. you may not have grandchildren but you got a pet, a friend, a family member who is depending on you, you would be surprised how much your phone or text means to someone.. also let’s remember that depression and being suicidal is two different mental illness.. if not treated yes depression will lead to suicide.. I think what I’m trying to say is that we are in the world together for a purpose.. and it’s easy okay to say “Hey how are you” and mean it.. nothing bothers me more than a fake how you doing.. that when my guards goes up, the look of “you could have kept that”..

The purpose of this post was to share my grandson playing in the snow.. so I don’t know why I wrote about depression.. well I do because it leads what I call the silent killer suicide.. nobody ever thought they would do it.. or they didn’t seem depressed to me.. and sometimes we can do everything possible and for whatever they lose hope on life.. and no matter how hard they try to fight.. there is a feeling of emptiness, feeling of not only would everyone else be better off with them.. they would too.. they feel they have tried everything to take away the pain, yet it’s still there.. like a feeling of having something eating away at your soul every minute of the day.. it’s not that they didn’t try to stay or that they were weak.. it’s just they could no longer see the hope, the purpose and the ones they were leaving behind as being better off if the stayed among the living..

I don’t know why I’m still here honestly.. I desired to be a peace like the rest of them.. but for some reason.. It didn’t happen some could say I wanted to live more than die.. at the time I was just tired of everything I tried to do failing me.. from my job, to pain that no doctor could explain to me and my home life, to my relationship with God.. weird that I would say God was failing me but that’s what it felt like to me.. I felt like I was God’s child and I had watched him heal people that I prayed for but yet He seemed to pass by my house.. so yes I felt abandoned by God.. but He never left me, I lefted Him for a season.. but when we feel abandoned by God don’t you know that’s the most hopeless feeling in the world for a sane person.. so magnify that by millions for someone with chronic depression and other mental issues..

I guess if I can leave you with anything.. I don’t want anyone to think that a person who committed suicide was weak or they wanted to give up of life.. they wanted to stay but believe me they also wanted  peace.. if you’re thinking about suicide please get professional help.. check into a hospital.. don’t give up on life and most of all don’t give up on God.. please talk to someone.. and like I said before just focus on the next second in front of you.. that’s society problems we focus too much on time.. when we only have this very second.. 

The Original Me Ann..

Morning Devotion

imageI will exalt the You, my God the King; I will praise Your name forever and ever. Every day I will praise You and extol Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom (Psalm 145:1-3 NIV).

God ] stands fast as your rock, steadfast as your safeguard, sleepless as your watcher, valiant as your champion. -Charles H. Spurgeon-

Original Me..

Current Situation

imageI was looking back over my day.. I don’t have any Christmas pictures of today.. but I have lots of memories..

I was thinking about what the pastor said this morning about how we start in November asking people what they want for Christmas.. but it’s a day that represents Jesus birthday but do we ever stop and ask Him what He wants.. our whole focus is on the gift.. but do we ever think God gave us the greatest gift of all His Son..

As I go prepare for bed tonight.. I just want to be thankful for all that I have.. I don’t wanna focus on me in 2017.. if my situation never changes I know God is well able to handle it.. I walk in more faith knowing that nothing surprises the Creator of Heaven and Earth.. I wanna look at my situation and know with out a shadow of a doubt that my God is in control.. and no matter what its looks like He can change it at a moments notice..

I just want my life to be a reflection of Christ living on the inside of me.. I want my grand babies to know that.. they have a praying grandma.. I want my family to see Jesus in me.. I often think what good is it if the whole world can see Jesus in you.. but your family can’t.. it all starts at home..

You know 2011 was my grandma’s first Christmas in heaven.. but I tell you the truth sometimes it seems like only yesterday.. She was my best friend.. and everyday I strive to be like her.. was she perfect no but she was the best.. and she loved the best she knew how.. and she had away of making us all feel special..

Well goodnight in the blogosphere..

no editing tonight

Original me..

Goodnight

I make plans.. and the fall through.. I plan for this and that but nothing seems to come of it.. I guess I’m more of a spare of the moment kind of girl.. I seem to do better.. I’ve got change make some changes in 2017.. don’t get me wrong.. I write my day out.. it’s the following it I have a problem with.. oh well I’ll try again tomorrow.. goodnight and sweet dreams.. and enjoy the ones God have blessed you with.. stay strong and remember one moment at a time..

original me

Peaceful Living In An Uptight World

imageEveryone wants peace of mind.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy the bones”(Pro.14:30)

You Need Three Kinds of Peace

First is spiritual peace. Spiritual peace is peace with God. Romans 5:1 say “Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We have to have peace with God before we can have any other kind of peace. There is only one way to obtain, and that is through Jesus Christ (John 14:16)

Second comes emotional peace. First we must have peace with God-spiritual peace. Then we can have the peace of God-emotional peace. Peace an internal sense of well being and order. Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since.. you were called to peace “rule ” here is used only this one time in the Bible, and it means “to umpire.” This verse says we should let the peace of God be umpire in our lives. What does an umpire do? He keeps the peace. God wants to give you an internal umpire who will keep you at peace even when everything around you seem chaotic. 

Third you need relational peace, or peace with other people. Romans 12:18 say, “If it is possible live at peace with everyone. Relational peace reduces conflict. How desperately we need spiritual, emotional, and relational peace! But can we really find it.

Rick Warren~God’s Power To Change Your Life

Original me..

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Words can heal the Past

imageHoly Bible ~ Devotional “Words. They Become You”!

We all have a past, and in the world we live in, I wish I could say that everyone experiences a past full of wonderful memories with pictures of rainbows and roses. Unfortunately, this is not the majority of people’s past. I have found that the majority of the present plagues in life find their roots in the past and so many are unable to let go of it. One of the major weapons of the enemy is to use our past negative experiences to hinder the present and the future.

I have learned that in order to change my life, I must first change my mind about my life.

Unless you have something stronger and more powerful to replace the negatives in your life, it will always remain, and there is nothing more powerful and potent than God’s words.

It is God’s words that create a new picture or vision in our minds and the new pictures or visions then translate into words that we speak; thereby changing the whole trajectory of life.

Prolonged ignoring of past hurts opens the door to long-term bitterness, anger issues, health problems, un-forgiveness, and even hatred.

When you get free from negative words and opinions, and you replace them with God’s words, there will be no stopping you in fulfilling God’s purposes and plans for your life.

The ways we heal our past is by confronting it, accepting responsibility for it and then start speaking life into our future! God’s patterns are amazingly accurate, so it would do us a world of good to begin following them.

Prayer of Creative Words
Father, I come to you, today, recognizing my past, and I need your help in healing my past. I have not been able to move forward because I have refused to deal with my past. I have blamed everyone around me for the hurts and pains, but today, Lord, I am confronting my past with your help.

 

 

 

 

 

She is Gone

imageShe is gone.. she came at time when she was needed her most.. when she could no longer find me.. she set in, though she was nothing like me .. for she was weak and vulnerable.. but she did the best she knew how.. she allowed her mind to rest.. and she said it was okay.. she took on the role of trying to be her.. but without my strength to protect her.. she soon became weaker than she ever thought she could be.. she try to fight, to stand, to be strong like her.. but as her allowed her mind to rest.. she could only think half way at best.. so she soon became to weak to exist anymore.. she came to her with tears in eyes.. and told her I must go.. she said to her I am no longer needed for I am to weak to stand.. I have allowed a man.. to take all my power and become to weak to stand.. so she said to her with a look of despair.. you can do this it’s your turn to fight.. you think that all has been lost.. but I’ve watched you endure when some would have paid the cost.. so you must realize that it’s time for you to rise.. and not become who you use to be but better, stronger and know this you can do.. she told her it’s time to leave now.. she kiss her goodbye and disappear as she had came.. a vision of her mind never to be seen again.. she is no longer here.. she will not be missed are seldom thought of.. she came when she was needed most.. to help her regain what she thought she had lost.. herself..

Picture~black art

Original me..

What’s in a Name

imageWhere are you.. why can’t I find you.. where have you gone.. why do you no longer answer to the name that made you strong.. why did you let it die.. don’t you know the name you was given was your strength.. was your ability to fight.. to stand and demand to be heard.. your name was your pride and joy.. it drew people to you.. and made you who are.. your name gave smiles too many.. even when the called you Angy.. you knew that Ann was there .. ready to fight for any done wrong.. many wanted you to let her go because they know what was in your name.. they’ve heard the stories and seen the battle scars.. afraid of no one near are far.. so where am I, you ask.. right here coming back from the grave .. buried beneath things that have made even me shame.. but no longer will I stay dead.. for I have come to know.. what’s in my name..

Ann is back.. so get ready .. some may say you sound crazy today.. Crazy no, I just know that I thought I buried Ann some almost four years ago.. but God has made me realize that she is still alive .. I just had to get her out the trash, dust her off and let some people go.. some will not understand this post.. but I’m know for sure too many will..

original me..

picture ~ Ann

Give Me a Life of Brokenness

imageWhen we look at ours lives sometimes it’s easy to see a life of brokenness..

We say the system is broken.. our marriage is broken.. our kids our broken.. our church is broken.. our jobs our broken.. our relationship with family and friends our broken.. we go back to past relationships that are still broken..

Then their are those who live in a state of brokenness.. their lives have been altered by the death of a love one, they have been victimized, they suffered from a debilitating disease, they suffer from chronic depression and pain, they are hopeless because of their brokenness..

But as I sit along with many others in my state of brokenness.. some who will never admit they are broken..

I began to remember that God lives in brokenness.. I began to remember that Moses was broken.. but he lead the children of Israel out of Egypt.. I began to remember that David was broken.. but he was a remember as a man after Gods heart.. I began to remember that Job was broken.. but yet he was considered righteous by God.. I began to remember that Paul was broken.. but yet he wrote the majority of the New Testament.. I began to remember that Peter was broken.. but he went on to be a witness for Christ..

So no matter how broken you think you are.. remember that there is nothing to hard for God.. and I know we often ask why me.. I know I do.. and when I really wanted to feel sorry for myself.. I say this can’t be my life .. what did I do wrong.. Oh God why are you punishing me..

But God said I live in your brokenness.. in your brokenness it is then that I receive my glory.. in your brokenness I receive my praise.. It is in our brokenness that God longs to dwell.. remember Jesus said he came for the sick that the well didn’t need a doctor.. so when you feel all is lost  hold on.. and remember it is in our brokenness we find God.. 

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. (Psalm 30:2) 

He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelation 21:4)

“He himself bore our sin” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness, by his wounds you have been healed”.

 

original me