Take My Hand

imageTake my hand and let’s dance.. let my body shiver and quiver at the touch of your hands.. let my body long for your embrace.. let taste what true love feels like as our minds intertwine as our bodies become one.. as our hands interlock and my body sum comes to your touch, your fill willing me to give you my whole being.. and my being excepting everything you are giving her as if I have waited my whole life to be loved from head to toe.. my being needing to kiss you, to taste the saltiness of your sweat.. meeting you with every move you make begging for more.. as we collapse in the moment.. I’m not afraid to let you take my hand..

The Original Me Ann..

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Why

imageI was thinking about blogging.. and really what do I want to do with it.. I mean do I wanna make money.. or do I just want it to be my public journal or do I want God to show me how reach people by not only through my experiences but also through His word..

I know one the key things for this blog will be to bring mental illness awareness to the front line and humanity all around the world.. and to share the word of God as often as I can..

Now I was thinking about Facebook.. I have over 1500 friends.. but it’s hard as heck to get them to like my blog.. I know they know how to read but I don’t know what it I’m doing wrong when it comes to blogging.. I don’t think it’s me I know people support what and who they want.. with that being said I am bout ready to stop posting on there..

Now today was a good day in my opinion because I started it in my prayer room.. and I ask God to keep my mind from wondering.. I don’t wanna be concerned with the things of this world.. of course I wanna be informed but I have settled it in my heart that God is in control.. and I have decided that I’m gonna live my life in such away that He receives all the glory.. and yes there are things that happen that I don’t understand nor can I explain but I know that no sin goes unpunished..

Now for me.. l have decided to make the best of this chronic depression and pain.. I look around and I know it could be so much worse.. and I am reminding myself to take it one second at a time and to breathe.. and to remember that God said there is a time for everything.. so if I feel like crying, being sad, happy it’s okay.. I don’t believe trying to kill emotions so I can be happy all the time.. who can do that anyway.. I still have days where my bed is my best friend.. the therapist ask me if it was the pain causing the depression.. I think it has something to do with it, a lot to do with it.. but like I said I always suffered from depression but never like this.. do I feel life is over.. I don’t know.. I pray not.. Do I believe that God will heal me .. maybe but no matter what I believe in God and His Son and The Holy Spirit..

The Original Me Ann

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Good Morning

I got up this morning.. and I went to my little prayer section in the room.. and when I finish praying.. my little grandson got down and prayed.. and sometimes we focus so much on the negative that we forget that are babies are watching us.. I ask Jehovah God to use my situation for His glory.. that whatever I go through He will receive the glory..

Here my little prayer section.. and after I finished my Bugg came behind me to pray..

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The Original Me Ann..

Set Me Free

imageSet Me Free, Set Me Free Can’t you see I’m to weak to do it on my own.. Set Me Free.. Like the cage bird let me go.. Let me fly, let me see what might be with another.. Oh please Set Me Free.. Set Me Free.. Let me run again and smile  against the embrace of the wind, the sun, then snow against my face.. Please Set Me Free.. Look into my eyes and just Please Set Me Free.. Let me hold the pencil in my hand and let the words flow free.. Set Me Free.. let me walk, jog or even run once more  to train again for the 5k.. Oh Please Set Me Free.. let me be Me once more.. to feel, to see, to taste and touch.. I’m just asking you to please just Set Me Free..

The Original Me Ann..

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Just something I was feeling about chronic pain.. the pain never goes away.. but you know what we’ve got to figure out ways to cope with our pain.. not because we want “some quality of life” every time the doctor tells me that I want to scream.. but because we deserve a full happy life..

In My Mind

imageUsed and Abused yet my mind want let you go.. Suffocating  when I’m with your hand around my neck for this how you sleep best.. Afraid to move afraid to speak not wanting to disturb your sleep.. In my mind I feel me losing my breath.. I can’t breathe with you and I can’t breathe without you..

The Original Me..

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This something I just wrote out of my head this morning.. I don’t know why but I felt I needed to share it..

The Source

imageI used to be afraid to sit in quiet.. but today it feels nice to hear nothing but quiet.. I’m glad my son and the babies are gone.. so I can just rest and focus on me.. I’m not even gonna give the pain a voice today.. I will not let the depression settle in beside me either.. I feel good sitting here knowing God is in control of everything in our lives.. I know I get aggravated when I go to these doctors and listen to them diagnose me with blah, blah, but then Your peace always calms me down and I know everything is gonna be okay.. I just wanna say thank You Jehovah for always giving me strength to look beyond man and see the source of my strength.. You..

The Original Me Ann..

Morning Devotion

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes. Immediately the father cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:23-25)

There are times when even Believers have doubt.. it is then we must cling to the word of Jehovah more and call Him on His word..

Jehovah You said You were my Shepherd. I shall not want (Psalm 23:1). So Father I shall not be in want in health as well as having my daily needs met by You.. 

I am sitting here think “so you can have some quality of life” I don’t know what that means but I’ll pass..

Jesus came so that we would have life more abundantly.. not some quality of life.. I want the fullness of life that Jesus promise me.. and I believe I shall have it on this side.. cause He Jehovah is not a man that He Jehovah should lie.. if Jehovah promised it through His Son Jesus then it must be true.. 

The Original Me Ann..

Ann

imageAnn,

Just stopping by to check on you.. I know you didn’t like what the neurologist said today.. that’s there nothing else they can do for you.. so refer to your pain management doctor or your surgeon.. I know you feel like it’s spreading and you’re concerned.. you feel like the doctors are not listening to you.. I know it’s hard not cry.. and curl up in the bed and stay there.. but instead you’re writing scripture and reading the Bible.. and believing Jehovah..

The Original Me Ann..

And when He had come into the house, His disciples ask Him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” So He said to them, “This kind come out by nothing but prayer and fasting (Mark 9:28-29).

 

No Good Thing

For the Lord God is a sun and shield ; The Lord will give grace and glory; NO GOOD THING WILL HE WITHHOLD, From those who walk up rightly (Psalm 84:11)

Who wouldn’t serve a God like this.. I don’t like to call Him Godz  far there are many gods .. that’s why I call Jehovah my Father.. all three are one , know I can’t explain but I got faith enough to believe..

The Original Me Ann..

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Hey Lady

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I can’t get you out of my thoughts.. especially when I’m not feeling good.. I try to think of your home remedies and use them.. beyond being sick physical I’m just feeling blah grandma..

I was teaching Drea how to make Lasagna and you just popped in my head.. how you use to love my Lasagna and then you started making your own and it was good too. Drea still mad cause I can’t make that beef and rice like you.. maybe one day I will get it right.. but it will never taste like yours..

I miss you so much Lady.. How could one woman have so many grandchildren and make them all feel special.. I don’t know how you didn’t but you did.. You were a nurse, doctor, psychologist, chef ,home maker, a wife , a mother of ten and numerous grandchildren and great grand.. and you loved us all.. I miss my best friend.. I miss the one who made it all better because you said it would be.. I love you Louise with all my heart..

The Original Me Ann..