I Think, Therefore I Blog

I have been feeling awful since I started taking Percocet for the pain.. and it’s not really helping the pain.. so I decided to just leave it alone..

Its like my depression is at a all time high which I didn’t expect it would be this bad.. but my mental chemical system is set up.. where as most people Percocet would make them feel high.. well for me it’s a downer but that’s with any simulators.. what a life right.. so anyway I’ll  go back to my Ibuprofen 800.. at least the headaches will go away and maybe my sleeping pill will start back working.. like I said I am still in constant pain anyway.. but enough of this..

Well as you know Christmas is fast approaching.. and Kohen has been play can I guess the presents under the tree.. which is funny because I have none of his present under the tree yet..but yet every thing he names is either for him or his brothers.. even the bags from bath and body..  but anyway here is how the rest of my evening went.. I find even when I wanna feel sorry for myself.. I don’t have time.. too busy being a Great Grandma..

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Kohen at basketball practice.. another laughable season is upon us..

original me..

The Jar

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Life in a jar.. You pouch holes in the lid and then you crawl in.. You can’t hear what’s going on around you.. you are safe in your Jar.. no concern with family and friends around you.. the crisis of the world matters no more.. you are safe in your Jar.. You don’t even bother to look through the glass for fear of making contact with someone.. you are safe in your Jar.. you have no care of the people coming and going.. it doesn’t matter you have no one to hold or touch.. you are safe in your Jar.. you curl up in your Jar.. and you pray no one disturbes you.. You pray they just place your Jar on shelf with all the other Jars.. who lost hope and gave up.. because you are safe in your Jar.. no more recalling memories.. no more bringing up past hurts and disappointment.. no more looking for someone to love.. no more fake smiles or the cynical voice that say I understand..  no people to deal with, no more trying to pretend and fit in.. just leave me alone in my Jar where I am safe..

 

Original me..