The Wind Blows

The wind blows and no one knows where it goes or where comes from.. nobody thinks that they to will one day blow away too..

I think about how time changes everything the body and the mind.. I think about the days gone by and time wasted.. years lost and days gone by..

I think of the years to come even the weeks.. and I wonder what will happen to me.. I wonder if the day will come when I can no longer write my thoughts down.. will the day come that I no longer use my legs to stand or feet to walk..

I think about the book of Job when he said the one thing I feared the most has come upon me.. So I try not fear what will happen to me.. try not think will the day come when I long to feel the pain in my body because all is numb..

I think being chronically ill physically and mentally is the worse thing can ever happen to a person but at the same time I’m know there is so much worse.. and the guilt comes of knowing that there are people who can not feel, who are dying from cancer and other diseases, people who don’t have a place to live or food to eat for that matter clean drinking water in this country.. I feel like I’m being selfish for even considering my pain..

When all hope is lost and the only hope I have is Jesus.. I have to take him at His word that He is my Divine Healer.. and even when I feel all hope is lost.. I still must trust God to deliver on time.. even when the winds blows and I don’t know where it comes from.. I still know the Source..

The Original Me Ann

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No Strength Left

Today has been a bad day.. my grandma has been gone six years.. and it’s been almost five years since my health has failed me..

I feel just giving up because no one understands the pain and depression.. they want to project their feelings as my feelings but I am chronically depressed because of this damn chronic pain.. I’m tired of popping pills that barely touch the pain..

Three weeks ago I took some morphine pills in hope to go to sleep and not wake up.. I could not hold on for my kids, my grand babies or family but I reached out to my family (sister) .. I let my daughter down but I was so tired of everything and my strength was gone and all I could do was cry out to God ..

I know that if I ever attempt it again it will be my last.. I will have lost the fight for myself and my family.. I don’t think it’s the weak who commit suicide but the strong who one day for one second have no strength left to fight..

I pray I will stay strong..

The Original Me Ann

Hello

It’s been a minute.. and so much has happened but I wanted to let the Blogosphere know that I’m still here.. they say setback sets you up for a comeback.. well I should be on top of the world soon..

Remember guys the holidays are the hardest when those dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts .. so keep watchful eyes on your family, friends, co-workers even a stranger that you may come in contact with.. as hard as it maybe for those of us to believe that someone cares us they do..

So as you go through out your day always look for ways to show yourself friendly and if you can give nothing else but a smile ,a listening ear ,as you walk away a warm hug.. and a genuine I’m praying with you.. just know it may save someone life..

I’ve been thinking about you “Say what you mean” praying all is well..

Blessings to you in Blogosphere

The Original Me Ann

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#Icantbreathe

Starting Over

Well first let say I have a headache.. I woke up with it.. 

Now moving on..

Starting over can be the hardest thing to do.. but it can also be exciting.. Starting over gives you a chance to look back and learn from your mistakes.. 

For me I don’t think I chose 50 to start over I think it chose me.. It has shown me even with limitations.. I can still be free in my spirit and my mind.. It has shown me that I am still the butterfly.. I have released so much of my past hurts and failures.. I have also released people from their duty of loving me as only God can which is perfectly.. I place no expectations on man to give me the love I need for I know believe that they can only love and show love as they were taught and know how too.. 

I now know that the greatest love outside of Jehovah the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is self love..

So see I AM THAT ONE TO LOVE ME COMPLETELY..

The Original Me Ann

#Fiftyknowledge

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Close My Eyes

imageLet me close my eyes and see your face.. let me sit in silence and see your face.. let lay in bed and look at your space.. let close my eyes and think of your face.. let close my eyes and see how it really was.. me needing you and you giving me just enough to keep me holding on.. let me sit in silence and remember how your words were always demanding.. let me close my eyes and see you the real you.. not a fantasy I want to create of how you can be.. let me close my eyes and not see you anymore..

The Original Me Ann..

Photo~ http://www.weheartit.com

Morning Devotion

imageThis morning God I just wanna thank You for being the God of a second chance.. I love how You give us the power to over come the enemy.. You are such a forgiving God.. Who gives us new mercy everyday.. and no matter how many times we change on You.. You never change on us but stay true to Your divine word..

As we go about our day keep our minds from wondering on things of the world that we have no control over.. but let our focus be on You and Your power to answer our prayers.. and give You praise as we wait for answer.. for You Jehovah God will forever be in control.. no matter what it looks like to the natural eye.. let us also remember that this place is not our home.. we are just here for a visit as our heavenly home forever home awaits us..

Have a very blessed day..

The Original Me Ann..