The craving want stop.. no matter how hard I try.. it’s a constant begging from my body to make the pain go away.. what do I say no you can’t have it, not today.. when the pain is so bad that it wakes me up.. craving something to make it go away..
When will the craving stop.. when will I be whole again.. I don’t know all I know is for now the craving is killing me..
The Original Me Ann
I wake up everyday morning with what I call the hangover headache.. do I drink of course that’s none of your business.. but the hangover I’m talking about is the Hangover Pill.. the pills I take so I can have some can of relief from the pain.. I think about the less of two evils.. cause chronic pain is one hell of a pain every second of the day.. and now to make matters worse I am having excruciating pain in lower right arm and yes I’m right handed..
Getting back to the Hangover Pill.. I went almost four years without any opioid.. but with no relief and my quality of life getting worse I decided to start taking them.. I do have relief from the pain but with that comes the headache, constipation and irritability.. the worse is the Morning Hangover.. it’s probably because I take a cocktail before I go to bed.. the muscles relaxer, sleeping pills, opioid and my anxiety pill.. I’ve never been one for drugs, maybe that’s part of the reason I didn’t push hard for pills sooner..
Now getting to the Hangover it’s awful.. it only last a couple hours.. so usually by the time I have showered the dizziness and staggering has gone.. and I’m only left with a headache until about noon.. try hard to be conscious of the feelings that I am having.. like am I waiting for the time to take it.. do I see changes in me when I take it, I’m only talking about the opioid.. I have only been on it a month but I’m scared that I will become addicted to it if I haven’t already.. I have read and listen to people talk about how it led to Heroin addiction and that is my biggest fear.. in order to experience some relief from the pain or will I become a statistics in the drug epidemic.. I doubt because I don’t like needles but we all know we can adapt to anything..
It is my goal to not become dependent on anyone or anything.. I will go more into that in my 2016 reflection..
I wasn’t gonna do a personal blog tonight as I’m not feeling well.. I have been in pain all day.. and I still had to watch the grand babies.. so I didn’t take any pain medicine.. well that’s not the reason the reason is I have none.. but that’s another blog for another day..
I wanted to talk about blogging.. and how my email is over run now by bloggers.. and I don’t mine .. well maybe a little.. my policy was to check my email, read post and do one of two things like and comment or just like it.. but I find myself reading post for bloggers who aren’t reading mine.. so the system I came up with is to go on my likes and comments.. and read those post and reply to them first.. out of 81 followers I have on a given day 7 true followers.. so I’m need to figure out how to have faithful followers like me..
Another thing I do is to follow back.. but I am finding everybody doesn’t do that either.. but I follow what interests me.. right now I feel I’m in a place of darkness with this depression and excuse my language this damn pain that I can’t get one freaking doctor to give a damn about me and my suffering.. so maybe that’s one reason I get followers but not readers.. or maybe the just wanting to grow their followers.. I don’t know..
Well at any rate.. I want to say I appreciate everyone who follows me.. but read, like, leave a comment.. sometimes I think this is a competition.. but not with me.. I have to much to release to compete..
If you have any thoughts I would like to hear them.. so feel free to drop by and sip some tea, coffee or pepsi.. whatever your beverage of choice is..