Today

Today is all I have to give me.. I woke up with darkness all around me.. see that’s what depression is darkness and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.. I put on some praise worship music and then I put a slide show of my photos on.. and the memories made me smile to see how much Kohen, Kyrie and Kaysen have grown.. memories of graduation and the family cookouts.. I was reminded of how quickly everything and everyone changes in twinkling of an eye.. how the only important things in life is a solid foundation with Christ, family and a handful of true friends..

So Today isn’t about me or my depression or my chronic pain but I made it about this guy.. who without ever knowing it,is one of the reasons I was able to get up..

I know it’s hard especially when you constantly going through pain and depression when it’s every single minute of the day.. But you must find a reason to live no matter how hard it is..

The Original Me Ann

Battle

Will it ever stop.. are will this is life forever.. the days of being care free have been long gone.. the laughter is only enjoyed for a second.. the smile that tries to hide the pain, the disappointment of the life you dream of gone in a matter of minutes to no fault of your own but it’s always in the back of your mind did I do something wrong..

Will the battle ever end.. Battles of tears that fall uncontrollably.. Battles to put one foot in front of the other.. Battles to hold on when you wanna give up..

Battles that you must win if not for yourself.. for the ones who are fighting the Battle with you..

The Original Me Ann

Picture Pinterest

No Strength Left

Today has been a bad day.. my grandma has been gone six years.. and it’s been almost five years since my health has failed me..

I feel just giving up because no one understands the pain and depression.. they want to project their feelings as my feelings but I am chronically depressed because of this damn chronic pain.. I’m tired of popping pills that barely touch the pain..

Three weeks ago I took some morphine pills in hope to go to sleep and not wake up.. I could not hold on for my kids, my grand babies or family but I reached out to my family (sister) .. I let my daughter down but I was so tired of everything and my strength was gone and all I could do was cry out to God ..

I know that if I ever attempt it again it will be my last.. I will have lost the fight for myself and my family.. I don’t think it’s the weak who commit suicide but the strong who one day for one second have no strength left to fight..

I pray I will stay strong..

The Original Me Ann

Can I Scream

Just getting off the phone with my mortgage company.. I could freakin scream.. I say God I wanna everything to be used for your glory.. but when you say that it’s like all hell breaks loose..

All I want is my kitchen fixed from the fire damage that happened almost a year ago.. and every document submitted is wrong.. so of course my Chronic Depression has kick in I’m freaking crying on the phone not just about my kitchen.. but I went to the grocery and ended up calling my son because it was too much physically and emotionally.. the injection to burn the nerves in my back has done something to the muscles above my knees and now it’s like I have muscle spasms in it.. its like I’m damn if I do or don’t.. I feel emotionally drained.. but enough about me..

Last month I focused on schizophrenia.. I learned that the voices are real.. I learned a lot from following Schizophrenia 548.. that’s  www.schizophrenia548.com  I like how he writes his blog and that he shares about the voices and what he does to quiet them down.. Even if you’re like me and don’t have schizophrenia.. at least I don’t think I do check him..

This month I will be learning about PTSD.. so here wishing for a great rest of the day.. Stay strong and bless.. and guess what there is a silver lining in the midst of our storms..

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The Original Me Ann..

No I didn’t edit..

Photo.. I probably already posted this one..

SKELETONS

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Straight to the point.. what if all we had been through and done was on display for the world to see.. would we then continue to walk with our heads high above our fellow man or would we be to ashamed to look anyone in the eye..

Don’t ever think because you can buy a pair of $100.00 shoes and not give it second thought that your skeleton are any better than anyone else’s..

Instead of walking around all proud and mighty maybe you should so a little humility.. and take the time to bow down and thank God that no one will ever know about your skeletons but you and God..

I say this to say that God truly as no respect of person and no matter what you acquire here if you cannot show love for your fellow man.. what good is it ..

The Original Me Ann..