Wow

I can’t remember the last time I posted here.. It’s been awhile since I have shared my feelings with no judgement..

Well a lot has changed.. and yet something are the same..

One I’m finally out a bad relationship.. I have let him go completely with the help of God.. I didn’t try and kill my self last year so that’s always good.. but there are days that my mind wants to give but I refuse to let it.. so yes I still suffer from chronic depression..

I still have chronic pain all over my body that has only gotten worse but I’m still able to move and walk.. I just stay very tired but I know that is apart of the sickness..

To add to the story I have LCIS which is pre-cancerous.. So that’s what’s new in my life.. I will add to this everyday my faith is stronger.. I love Jehovah so much..

I Don’t Know

imageI’m trying hard to hang in here.. feeling overwhelmed since Thursday.. I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day but I had to help with the babies.. this was the first time in along time that I just couldn’t help with them.. I just wanted to be left alone..

Then my daughter gives me the speech.. momma you’re either gonna live or die.. you have to choose which one you’re gonna do.. you got to get up and tell yourself that you’re gonna live.. you’re gonna fight for your life.. to be here for me and your grand babies.. so stop crying..

I wish she would understand how hard it sometimes for me to even breathe.. I wish she would understand that it’s all I can do some days to stay in the race.. I don’t want to seem weak to her most days I am..

The injection to burn the nerves didn’t work.. my legs and back still hurt and I still have a hard time walking and standing.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. and I really wanna find another pain doctor because I don’t feel like he has my best interest at heart.. the Percocet he prescribed is not strong enough.. I don’t even know if it works on neuropathy.. it has so far so I don’t know if stronger dosage would help..

I feel like if I don’t start walking consistently my legs are just gonna get weaker, the pain in my hips and back has not changed so the decisions to suffer with exercise or without either way I’m in pain.. at least hopefully I could get in shape and feel okay about that.. I gotta learn to live with the pain, depression and panic attacks..

Yes I believe in God and the power of Jesus healing power.. I believe that He is well ever to deliver me.. just as I believe He is well able to keep me in whatever state I’m in.. I know it’s okay to vent and express my emotions.. God Himself tells us there is a time for everything under the sun.. this my time to release my feelings.. as always be bless..

The Original Me Ann..

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Morning Devotion

imageThose who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You (Psalm 9:10).

Thank You Father that all we have to do is trust in Your Name.. for we know your name is powerful by trusting Your Name we believe all that Your word say about You.. and all the promises You made back then still hold true today.. so as change comes about today we trust and believe that as long as we hold true You and your word.. we will have the strength to not only endure four years but over come them…

The Original Me Ann..