Giving a gift at birth only to have it stolen from me.. never given the chance to say who would be my first.. never even the chance to save my being for marriage.. it was stolen from me.. like a thief in the night .. you came and took what was not yours to take.. I slept in my bed like most little girls do .. with my dolly beside my hand .. only to have it replaced by something I never knew about.. it felt so nasty and didn’t know what to do.. I thought how could this be happening because I call you daddy too.. you told me not to tell anybody our little secret.. and as I lay there crying you said next time.. want hurt so bad.. as you close the door you say remember.. Our little Secret..
For every little boy and girl.. who has had their being stolen from them.. who never got a chance to choose their first.. it is my prayer that God will bring healing to you..
I wrote a post earlier today call “Can You Help Me, Sista Gurl.. well I got likes on the post but I was really looking for answers.. I was hoping that someone who had experience this could help me.. right now I am lost.. my emotions are just all over the places.. and I was really needing some advice.. so since I don’t get the response I was looking for .. I will be reposting that one.. seriously if you have a chance read it and leave a comment please for me..
Oh yeah I’m sorry I have been blowing up everyone’s email today..
I think I have been validated in the worse possible way a woman can be.. I think I was raped.. but if I know him and I have a on going relationship with him .. is it rape sista..
I told him NO.. I told him to STOP.. I told him just let me go home.. and yet he forced his self on me.. calling me names, saying I could leave and not letting me.. and starting it all over again.. humiliating me and making me feel less than a woman.. he said I was his Bitch.. and for the first time I fear that I would truly be taken from my children, for my grandchildren.. He made me say that I was his Bitch.. do you know how humiliating that is for a woman, Sista..
But how is rape .. when I was there of my own free will.. even when it was over I did not leave.. I was told we was having good sex and I started crying.. but how is that when I said NO.. when I begged him to please stop.. why didn’t I leave.. why didn’t I call for help..
Sista, I don’t know what to think anymore.. this is all I can write for now.. my mind is a lost right now..
The United States this place I call home.. The land of the free and the home of the brave.. I was taught about a history.. I was not apart of.. I never knew where I came from.. all I heard was how the white Man discovered this.. and done such great things.. It would be years later that I would discover that the land of the free was built on the back of my ancestors.. I would learn that it was not discovered by Christopher Columbus but yet taken by him from the Indians..
The land of the free and the home of the brave.. was never meant for me to sang.. because I was never meant to be free.. I was meant to be a slave.. to work your fields.. stand on the auction block.. shown off like cattle with my private parts for the world to see.. my name was stolen and so was my body .. they even took my language and I was given a new one..
I was forbidden to love .. and truly be as man and wife.. because anytime Master desired me, my wife or child I could do nothing.. can you imagine me when the Master began to look upon my child with lustful eyes and there was no place for them to hide.. can you imagine my cry as I heard my scream for help.. and in agony I could do nothing but watch.. I had to surrender as a animals to Him.. we were not considered as humans with feelings like the white man.. we were consider less than..
We were not allowed to read and write because with knowledge came power.. and with power came fear of the slave.. of the black man.. with knowledge they could no longer us separated from each other.. we would become one in voice and strength..
So no this will never be the land of the free and the home of the brave.. it will always be a land built on the back of my ancestors .. and taken away from the brave..