The craving want stop.. no matter how hard I try.. it’s a constant begging from my body to make the pain go away.. what do I say no you can’t have it, not today.. when the pain is so bad that it wakes me up.. craving something to make it go away..
When will the craving stop.. when will I be whole again.. I don’t know all I know is for now the craving is killing me..
The Original Me Ann
I think I have been validated in the worse possible way a woman can be.. I think I was raped.. but if I know him and I have a on going relationship with him .. is it rape sista..
I told him NO.. I told him to STOP.. I told him just let me go home.. and yet he forced his self on me.. calling me names, saying I could leave and not letting me.. and starting it all over again.. humiliating me and making me feel less than a woman.. he said I was his Bitch.. and for the first time I fear that I would truly be taken from my children, for my grandchildren.. He made me say that I was his Bitch.. do you know how humiliating that is for a woman, Sista..
But how is rape .. when I was there of my own free will.. even when it was over I did not leave.. I was told we was having good sex and I started crying.. but how is that when I said NO.. when I begged him to please stop.. why didn’t I leave.. why didn’t I call for help..
Sista, I don’t know what to think anymore.. this is all I can write for now.. my mind is a lost right now..
When will my broken heart mend.. when will I let go of this sin.. My body feels so unclean.. My mind is at a lost.. I know you mean me no good.. because when everything is good for you .. I’m your last thought.. But when things are down.. I’m the first one you want to be around.. When will I see there can never be Me.. As long as you are here in my life.. I will never be free to repent if I’m constantly hell bent on you on us.. A us that clearly only exist when you need it to be.. Why must I live in this sin.. Why can’t I just repent and be set free..
Who will speak for me.. I have no voice to speak for myself.. I lay awake at night thinking.. why is my belly growling.. I have looked all day .. and found nothing for my brothers and I to eat.. Who will speak for me.. I have no voice to cry out.. To defend myself against these men .. who look upon a child be it boy or girl.. to satisfy their sick desires so they come to my country.. a pedophile is what they are husbands and fathers, lawyers and doctors.. Who will speak for me .. I have no voice to cry out.. I have the scar to show where I sold my kidney.. for money to feed my family.. they say it’s easy money.. that I have two and I only need one.. Who will speak for me.. I have no voice to cry out.. I’m only thirteen and here I am married and pregnant.. I don’t know how to be a wife .. I’m only a child, no rights as a woman.. I’m still a little girl.. why did this happen to me.. Who will speak for me.. I have no voice to cry out..Africa babies..
Pictures : YouTube and recruiters.com
The one thing a person wants most is to be in control of their own thoughts and actions.. Nobody wants to be vulnerable but yet it happens to even the strongest of us..
I create from my pain and move with the fact.. that I have been a willing participant in my own pain..