Battle

Will it ever stop.. are will this is life forever.. the days of being care free have been long gone.. the laughter is only enjoyed for a second.. the smile that tries to hide the pain, the disappointment of the life you dream of gone in a matter of minutes to no fault of your own but it’s always in the back of your mind did I do something wrong..

Will the battle ever end.. Battles of tears that fall uncontrollably.. Battles to put one foot in front of the other.. Battles to hold on when you wanna give up..

Battles that you must win if not for yourself.. for the ones who are fighting the Battle with you..

The Original Me Ann

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Starting Over

Well first let say I have a headache.. I woke up with it.. 

Now moving on..

Starting over can be the hardest thing to do.. but it can also be exciting.. Starting over gives you a chance to look back and learn from your mistakes.. 

For me I don’t think I chose 50 to start over I think it chose me.. It has shown me even with limitations.. I can still be free in my spirit and my mind.. It has shown me that I am still the butterfly.. I have released so much of my past hurts and failures.. I have also released people from their duty of loving me as only God can which is perfectly.. I place no expectations on man to give me the love I need for I know believe that they can only love and show love as they were taught and know how too.. 

I now know that the greatest love outside of Jehovah the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is self love..

So see I AM THAT ONE TO LOVE ME COMPLETELY..

The Original Me Ann

#Fiftyknowledge

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Social Media

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Social Media the story of our lives.. I was thinking this morning as I got ready for church how much I miss Facebook.. but like I said it was taking up a lot of my time that I could be using to for other things like blogging.. 

Now I here you saying well it’s blogging social media.. Well yes, yes it is.. but when I started blogging I found people like me that wasn’t afraid to write about not having all together.. I found people writing about the latest fashion to people wrestling depression, with so many unresolved issues.. It help me to realize that what I share with Facebook probably want get a lot of likes because my audience consists of people who can not admit to they self that they don’t have it all together so of course if you keep it real they can’t possibly like your status.. I look at Facebook as Fakebook a lot of fake people pretending they have it all together.. you know the ones you friends on Facebook but when they see you at church they walk over you to speak to someone else that’s right Fakebook.. I think that’s all I have to say about that.. I hope I’m not sounding judgmental because I have no Heaven or hell to put anyone in.. Like I said they may never like your status but that doesn’t mean they don’t like or most of all can’t relate that’s the problem they can relate but it must remain there secret..

Now getting back to blogging when you live sickness beyond your control and you find the walls closing .. you for ways to exist to feel, to find someone anyone who can relate to you, who can feel your pain.. so you search out Social Media, well at least I did and I found the Blogosphere a world of so many different people all searching their stories and I became one them..

The Original Me Ann

I AM THAT ONE

#Fiftyknowledge

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Change

 

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I think it was said said on twitter that you can’t want change but never make it.. Change is all around us, sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad.. and eventually we learn to live with change..

I myself recently made some changes like turning fifty and coming into all this knowledge it sounds crazy but it’s true..

Things I lost along the way.. I have found again.. Like I would rather be alone than to accept crumbs from a man.. Things I wish that young girls knew like how beautiful they are.. how precious we are in the sight of God.. that there is no need to fight and beg for crumbs from undeserving guy.. That like me you to hold the key to your happiness..

I was encouraged to take three months just for me, to learn me and most of all fall in love with me again.. and it’s not easy because I face a lot of challenges.. but if I have learned one thing it’s to keep my focus on Jesus.. and the I believe what the word of God say “I am the Apple of His Almighty Jehovah God eye and I push on.. in being confident of this I Will NOT BEG FOR CRUMBS.. No matter how bad I feel I tell myself I am that ONE..

The Original Me Ann

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Worth Sharing

imageThis reminds me of me.. The Pastor has told since December in his sermons that everyone cannot go with you to the next level.. yet for some reason I find it hard to completely walk away and be done..

Then to confirm everything Lisa Nichols said ” I am a better woman with you in my life” ( If I’m not then I don’t need you in my life) .. so I’m going to be obedient to Jehovah God ..

The Original Me Ann..

I Don’t Know

imageI’m trying hard to hang in here.. feeling overwhelmed since Thursday.. I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day but I had to help with the babies.. this was the first time in along time that I just couldn’t help with them.. I just wanted to be left alone..

Then my daughter gives me the speech.. momma you’re either gonna live or die.. you have to choose which one you’re gonna do.. you got to get up and tell yourself that you’re gonna live.. you’re gonna fight for your life.. to be here for me and your grand babies.. so stop crying..

I wish she would understand how hard it sometimes for me to even breathe.. I wish she would understand that it’s all I can do some days to stay in the race.. I don’t want to seem weak to her most days I am..

The injection to burn the nerves didn’t work.. my legs and back still hurt and I still have a hard time walking and standing.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. and I really wanna find another pain doctor because I don’t feel like he has my best interest at heart.. the Percocet he prescribed is not strong enough.. I don’t even know if it works on neuropathy.. it has so far so I don’t know if stronger dosage would help..

I feel like if I don’t start walking consistently my legs are just gonna get weaker, the pain in my hips and back has not changed so the decisions to suffer with exercise or without either way I’m in pain.. at least hopefully I could get in shape and feel okay about that.. I gotta learn to live with the pain, depression and panic attacks..

Yes I believe in God and the power of Jesus healing power.. I believe that He is well ever to deliver me.. just as I believe He is well able to keep me in whatever state I’m in.. I know it’s okay to vent and express my emotions.. God Himself tells us there is a time for everything under the sun.. this my time to release my feelings.. as always be bless..

The Original Me Ann..

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