The wind blows and no one knows where it goes or where comes from.. nobody thinks that they to will one day blow away too..
I think about how time changes everything the body and the mind.. I think about the days gone by and time wasted.. years lost and days gone by..
I think of the years to come even the weeks.. and I wonder what will happen to me.. I wonder if the day will come when I can no longer write my thoughts down.. will the day come that I no longer use my legs to stand or feet to walk..
I think about the book of Job when he said the one thing I feared the most has come upon me.. So I try not fear what will happen to me.. try not think will the day come when I long to feel the pain in my body because all is numb..
I think being chronically ill physically and mentally is the worse thing can ever happen to a person but at the same time I’m know there is so much worse.. and the guilt comes of knowing that there are people who can not feel, who are dying from cancer and other diseases, people who don’t have a place to live or food to eat for that matter clean drinking water in this country.. I feel like I’m being selfish for even considering my pain..
When all hope is lost and the only hope I have is Jesus.. I have to take him at His word that He is my Divine Healer.. and even when I feel all hope is lost.. I still must trust God to deliver on time.. even when the winds blows and I don’t know where it comes from.. I still know the Source..
The Original Me Ann
Today is all I have to give me.. I woke up with darkness all around me.. see that’s what depression is darkness and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.. I put on some praise worship music and then I put a slide show of my photos on.. and the memories made me smile to see how much Kohen, Kyrie and Kaysen have grown.. memories of graduation and the family cookouts.. I was reminded of how quickly everything and everyone changes in twinkling of an eye.. how the only important things in life is a solid foundation with Christ, family and a handful of true friends..
So Today isn’t about me or my depression or my chronic pain but I made it about this guy.. who without ever knowing it,is one of the reasons I was able to get up..
I know it’s hard especially when you constantly going through pain and depression when it’s every single minute of the day.. But you must find a reason to live no matter how hard it is..
The Original Me Ann