I can’t remember the last time I posted here.. It’s been awhile since I have shared my feelings with no judgement..
Well a lot has changed.. and yet something are the same..
One I’m finally out a bad relationship.. I have let him go completely with the help of God.. I didn’t try and kill my self last year so that’s always good.. but there are days that my mind wants to give but I refuse to let it.. so yes I still suffer from chronic depression..
I still have chronic pain all over my body that has only gotten worse but I’m still able to move and walk.. I just stay very tired but I know that is apart of the sickness..
To add to the story I have LCIS which is pre-cancerous.. So that’s what’s new in my life.. I will add to this everyday my faith is stronger.. I love Jehovah so much..
The wind blows and no one knows where it goes or where comes from.. nobody thinks that they to will one day blow away too..
I think about how time changes everything the body and the mind.. I think about the days gone by and time wasted.. years lost and days gone by..
I think of the years to come even the weeks.. and I wonder what will happen to me.. I wonder if the day will come when I can no longer write my thoughts down.. will the day come that I no longer use my legs to stand or feet to walk..
I think about the book of Job when he said the one thing I feared the most has come upon me.. So I try not fear what will happen to me.. try not think will the day come when I long to feel the pain in my body because all is numb..
I think being chronically ill physically and mentally is the worse thing can ever happen to a person but at the same time I’m know there is so much worse.. and the guilt comes of knowing that there are people who can not feel, who are dying from cancer and other diseases, people who don’t have a place to live or food to eat for that matter clean drinking water in this country.. I feel like I’m being selfish for even considering my pain..
When all hope is lost and the only hope I have is Jesus.. I have to take him at His word that He is my Divine Healer.. and even when I feel all hope is lost.. I still must trust God to deliver on time.. even when the winds blows and I don’t know where it comes from.. I still know the Source..
The Original Me Ann