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Ladies, Hair Be Gone

Okay ladies I’m gonna try this it seems simple enough to do and easy to make.. I’m always gonna see if it works on my under arm.. I’m to scared to have them waxed or downtown.. but any ho let’s see what up happens .. so expect pictures and results..

As you can see I got this off of Pinterest..

Original Me..

When I Need In Tough Times

Lord, I worship You above all things. I praise You and proclaim that You are Lord over everything in my life. Thank You that You are more powerful than any of life’s storm that I must walk through. I ask You to help me in my situation I am in now and the difficult things I face. I pray that You will give me the desires of my heart concerning these situations. Thank You, Lord, that when I cry out to You, You hear my prayers and will answer. Stormie Omartian

“She came and worshiped Him, saying, Lord help me!” Matthew 15:25

original me

Thanksgiving

Well today was a good day.. I enjoyed spending it with family.. and the food was delicious.. but I couldn’t over indulge.. I guess because of the ACV .. I drink at least three times a day.. quick note don’t drink it straight.. not a good ideal at all..

The only thing I missing is the shopping.. I can’t do it anymore.. and believe me I loved it.. something about the atmosphere, the game face , adrenaline rush.. I loved the feeling..

So now my greatest joy besides being with family.. is listening to my mother scream for Dallas Cowboy.. like they can hear her.. and the occasional threat of getting put out if I don’t stop cheering for Washington.. I was a Dallas fan when I didn’t know any better.. I really wish I could use emojis.. but anyway I’m riding with Carolina but I got love for Seattle too..

It’s just now 7:00 and I feel like my bed is calling me.. I always wonder why old people went to bed so early.. but I honestly believe their bodies starts to just shut down on them.. I’m not old but I tell you the truth.. I could close my eyes right now..

Kohen wanted to spend the night but I told him grandma is hurting to bad.. that’s the problem with chronic pain.. even the best grandmas have to say no sometimes..

Well tonight as you close your eyes.. remember how blessed you are.. and how today you made it.. even if it was just for a few moments of being outside your comfort zone.. you did it..

original me

The Extraordinary Life

A life peace, joy, fulfillment, hope, and purpose.. a life where all things are possible can only be experienced through Jesus Christ..

In order to be close to God.. we must know Him by spending time with Him.. in prayer, in word, in worship and in mediation..  we must communicate with Him our whole heart.. on a continuous basis.. We must know Him intimately.. we must take attention away from ourselves and focus totally on Him.. we must love Him with all our heart and letting Him love you with all of His..

The extreme intensity of your love must fade whether it be for a boyfriend, husband, wife, and even for God.. or we would never live through it.. the depth of it must grow.. and it needs to nurtured and deepen..

We need to read the Bible.. and we must receive His Son Jesus as our Savior.. and we must pray..

Prayer is simply communicating with God.. as you would a close friend.. prayer is baring your soul to the only One who can fix it..

It is to expressed through worship and praise.. “Worship and praise is the purest form of prayer because it focuses our mind and souls entirely away from ourselves and on to Him. What it communicates is pure love, devotion, reverence, appreciation, and thankfulness to God. It’s exalting God for who He is. It’s communicating our longing for Him. It’s drawing close to Him for the sake of being close. When we worship God, we are the closest to Him we will ever be. That’s because praise welcome His presence in our midst.”

“God is He lives in our praise. He inhabits the praises of His people. “But You are holy, enthroned in the praise of Israel,” (Psalm 22:3) He’s a loving God who wants to be with us. And when we worship Him, He is.”

“When we praise and worship God, His presence comes to dwell with us. And the most amazing thing about that is when it does, things change. Lives change. Minds change. Attitudes change. Every time you praise God, something changes within you, or your circumstances, or in the people or situations around you. We can’t see all that is being affected, but we trust that it is, because it is impossible to touch the presence of God and there not be change. The reason for that is you are coming in contact with all that God is, and that will affect all that you are. Praise is the prayer that changes everything.”

 

 

“Quotes taken from book ” The Prayer That Changes Everything” Stormie Omartian.. Picture Pinterest

Black Superwoman Syndrome

Depression and the Black Superwoman Syndrome
Josie Pickens shares her personal bouts with suicidal thoughts, and how counseling and sharing burdens with others makes for stronger mental health
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by Josie Pickens, April 15, 2014
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After reading the news of For Brown Girls creator Karyn Washngton’s passing, I immediately went to tapping away on the keys of my laptop. The late 22-year-old’s story of dedicating much of her daily life to empowering Black women, and even the possibility that she ended her own life, felt eerily familiar and close to home.
The peculiar thing about doing the work to uplift others is, the world often forgets that the worker also needs uplifting, that the work becomes heavy, that frequently the work is being performed to soothe one’s own soul. And that when one lives even a small portion of her life publicly, that public too often expects perfection. The expectation is that s/he has conquered those challenges s/he advocates against, and that s/he is therefore the face of overcoming.
RELATED: IS ‘STRONG BLACK WOMANHOOD’ KILLING OUR SISTERS?
The reality is, however, that there’s sometimes no such thing as overcoming—not wholly, not forever. Overcoming is daily work, and we often fail miserably at it. Many days we are doing our best to survive, and some of those days we may not be 100% sure that surviving is what we truly even desire.
And we are dying…
Masking up as superwomen is killing us—whether we meet that death as a result of suicide or the stresses that lead to heart disease and other serious, life-threatening illnesses. According to Lottie Joiner’s recent post at The Root, stress accelerates the aging of Black female bodies, and Black women between the ages of 45 and 55 are “biologically 7.5 years older than White women” of the same age.

I don’t know Karyn’s personal story enough to comment on why she possibly chose to commit suicide. But I know for certain my own story. I’ve battled depression and anxiety much of my adult life, with some bouts making me feel like I was stuck in a cave-sized hole that I was unable to climb out of.

A most recent period of depression came as I was building a name for myself as a writer, particularly a writer who’d struggled through many of the difficulties Black women face and had come out on the other end. A bit bruised, but smiling. What my readers may not have known was that, upon moving back to my hometown due to some legal and child custody issues, I was struggling daily to get out of bed, to eat, to sleep, and to care for my daughter.
Honestly, there were days when I felt that breathing was an impossible task, and sometimes I wondered if things would be easier if I stopped.

How does one share her struggles with mental illness when she’s convinced the world that she is strong, when she has somehow become an example to others? I suffered silently, and the little I did share was met with the common responses we as Black women frequently hear from our families and friends. “You’re strong,” or “you’ve been through storms before,” or “you just have to pray and trust God.”

I honestly believe we’re so accustomed to delivering the strong Black woman speech to ourselves and everyone else that we lose our ability to connect to our humanness, and thus our frailty. We become afraid to admit that we are hurting and struggling, because we fear that we will be seen as weak. And we can’t be weak. We’ve spent our lives witnessing our mothers and their mothers be strong and sturdy, like rocks.

We want to be rocks.
Somehow realizing I wasn’t a rock (and that I had honestly never been one), I fought my way out of bed and onto my therapist’s couch. I became exhausted with carrying all of the masks and the capes. And I knew if I didn’t get help quickly, I wasn’t going to survive.
I’m grateful to still be here, but my struggles aren’t over. Recently, I’ve been contemplating how my life and the stresses I face are affecting my long-term health. As with many of us, I’m working to improve my diet and incorporate more exercise into my daily life, but the stresses of wearing the capes and masks are doing damage as well.

To battle against the challenges I face regarding both my physical and mental health, I’m taking the following actions:
Practice self-care. I’ve gotten into the habit of scheduling spa time, girl time, therapy, meditation and more in the same ways I schedule work meetings and my daughter’s field trips. We have to remember that we can’t be good mothers, partners, daughters or friends if we’re not good to ourselves first.

Share the load. Often we adopt the idea that it’s easier for us to do it all ourselves, but we have to remember the long term affects of that behavior. We need to begin asking for and accepting help, because we need and deserve it. Start with small tasks and work towards larger ones.

Seek professional help. I always say that if I had Oprah dough, I’d pass out therapy the way she passes out her favorite things. Your girlfriends, as well meaning and supportive as they are, have their own Superwoman capes to throw off, and they honestly don’t know the answers either. Seeing a mental health professional to confide in and ask direction from can mean the difference between life or death—for real, for real.

Josie Pickens is an educator, cultural critic and soldier of love. Follow her musings on Twitter @jonubian.

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The Dumpster

I use to always wanna go dumpster diving.. but I could never get my kids to do it with me.. I heard of all the good stuff you find in dumpster.. in rich neighborhoods and college students.. but for the last three years..

I feel like I have been dumpster diving.. I am at the bottom of the dumpster.. and instead of diving .. I am drowning in my own garbage.. I had allowed fear and doubt to be thrown in my dumpster.. I look around and I see depression at the very top.. along with pain and anxiety.. I turned around and I see despair and hopelessness.. I turned to the other side and I see loneliness and unrest.. I look down at my feet and I see something shiny..

I really see can’t it..  so I get down on my knees and I see prayer.. and I can reach it..

So I began to move stuff around.. and I see mercy and grace as they embrace me..to the side I see salvation in His hand and I grab it.. and I continue to move stuff there is forgivenesses and I jump as it wraps itself around me.. I bump up against peace that transcends all understand.. and the more I’m moving stuff around the closer.. I get to the top..

I thought I was moving stuff around.. but stuff was moving in me.. everything I needed to overcome..  all the trash that had been dumped into my dumpster.. the closer I looked the more I could see Jesus.. was still here with me at my lowest.. right in the dumpster with me..

What’s in your dumpster? Don’t give up just start moving stuff around..

BACK at IT

Well I got this off Pinterest.. as you can see to help motivate me and I said why not share it on the blogosphere.. so here it is.. with me I was so use to fast weight lost.. I loved myself a diet pill but the problem with that without exercises.. are once I stopped exercising the weight came back..

I hope this will help me out thru the holidays.. especially the exercise part but I’m gonna push myself to walk everyday.. I started before by just taking it slowly.. and even breaking it up.. depending on how bad my back and legs were hurting.. I haven’t walked in three months for exercise.. when the grand babies came I got side tracked.. I know I can do it.. because I got to lose 30 lbs in 6 months.. and that’s more than achievable.. It’s just the getting started back like anything else is the hardest.. but I got to be right for the big 50.. yeah I’m gonna be talking about that a lot ..

I should have never stopped.. I would already be at my weight goal.. and just be exercising to maintain and get stronger.. oh well whatcha gonna do.. but get started ANGY..

original me

The Grab, Sista

I know I can’t kill him but there is apart of me that wants too.. apart of me that hates him as much as I love him.. apart that hates most of all what I have become.. he has started jerking my hair and grabbing my arms.. he pulled my hair so hard my my neck and the back of my head still hurts.. Sista gurl what am I to do is this the beginning of physical abuse.. I saw my momma go through a lot but one thing I never saw was a man put his hands on her.. and get away with it.. I remember when we were young and my step daddy would get drunk.. and the fighting would start.. until one day enough was enough and she put him out.. divorce him and raised her five kids on her own.. and I am my mothers daughter but damn what has happened to me..

Sista gurl, I hate him yet I can’t let go.. what the freak is wrong with me.. I know this not my life not the life I plan.. by my fifty birthday I was supposed to retire early with my husband.. and walk around the house naked.. until we had company.. but now Sista look at my life.. a husband who I left because I thought I missed out on my youth and I did.. but I learned the hard way you can never go back.. I should still be able to enjoy life but if it’s not physical pain, then it’s mental.. even on days that start out good like today.. always end up being just another bad dream.. I long to wake up from this nightmare.. I call my life..

I looked him dead in his face and said we are DONE.. he started to talk but I stopped him by saying there is nothing left to discuss.. because I knew if I let him talk.. the next time he would not just pull my hair are grab my arm while I’m driving.. but it would be not only my mom and step dad but me and my husband.. see I’m a custom to the fighting , abuse and everything that comes with it..

All I can do is pray for every batter woman and man out there.. and remember to take it one second at a time..

original me

The Jar

Life in a jar.. You pouch holes in the lid and then you crawl in.. You can’t hear what’s going on around you.. you are safe in your Jar.. no concern with family and friends around you.. the crisis of the world matters no more.. you are safe in your Jar.. You don’t even bother to look through the glass for fear of making contact with someone.. you are safe in your Jar.. you have no care of the people coming and going.. it doesn’t matter you have no one to hold or touch.. you are safe in your Jar.. you curl up in your Jar.. and you pray no one disturbes you.. You pray they just place your Jar on shelf with all the other Jars.. who lost hope and gave up.. because you are safe in your Jar.. no more recalling memories.. no more bringing up past hurts and disappointment.. no more looking for someone to love.. no more fake smiles or the cynical voice that say I understand..  no people to deal with, no more trying to pretend and fit in.. just leave me alone in my Jar where I am safe..

 

Original me..